am i really fighting to win?

This is a part of me...

Inspired by many to share what i’ve been through
Because rape was by date since the age of 2,
Lost and found through the tears that flooded my eyes
I was unwilling drowned
By what you call your semen and others call your nut
How could you puncture such a deep womb in my gut.
Every fear came from you, every tear described what it is that you do.
But my strength stood the test of standing tall
Because I refused to fall
My life you see hadn’t been a golden staircase.
Its been a house with many different rooms
And each door that opened was a new family that I was introduced to
Love never existed in this life of mine
Because once trust was broken my life was on the line
Resulting in the fatal death of mixed emotions
All I saw was black, as I split my wrist and watched the clock
I got up to make sure the door was locked.
You see I am a tragedy a sad ...

PLEASE I NEEDED TO VENT (OFFICIAL RANT)

 Crazy is what crazy does,
You trynna turn everyone against me but you don't realize that they were never with me.
Me a weak b*tch you damn right because until you been through my area of the woods you could never be the definition of strong and determined.
Imma continue to live my life stress free like I said
You a bum b*tch that act like you on meds
Yeah that bipolar shyt ain't no game
But as long as I'm livin out my mouth can be your name.
You think you running shyt cuz I'm small and don't like confrontation
I got people on my side so where is you confirmation
Jealous of you. Never because I could never treat my family the way you do
Yeah my mom is dead and gone but that was gods doing so get ya facts straight boo.
You call me sneaky, cuz you can't see what I'm doing well b*tch open ya eyes and envision that this shyt is heated and definitely needs some cooling.
You think you the shyt bec...

RANTS: Dont kill my vibe

 Maybe you should work on secluding yourself behind the doors of your emotions and step out into this reality where its every man for himself. You trying to hurt people verbally but you think you do it mentally when physically you are the only one hurting , and hurting yourself trying to make a fool out of the ones who continue to have your back and everyone else. Girl please get ya life, you claim to live a constant life of misery and strife when misery isn’t even the beginning of what its like, to live through this unfortunate journey with so many more burdens than your heart and mind can contain, but yet I was ya friend and tried to give you so much more to gain than another unborn fatherless child, I was the one that had your back when the abuse got wild. And you throw trust and loyalty in my face like I am the disgrace that gave you what you can never admit to erase out of your mind. Remember that I was the one that gave you truth even when it hurt me the most be...

trying to make it

 I feel like I been going through hell and now im back for another chance to live this life right.
But from the way it looks my emotions are getting kind of tight
And tired of feeling like a constant load being dropped from the skyscraper that pierces the clouds that hide the sun
Begging to go back to the place where I once felt many forms of warmth and comfort but asking why must I be the one
To go through all the dimensions, fighting demons that I never knew existed but yet I find a way to win every battle by the grace that sweeps my feet off the ground so diligently and silently that I can’t bare to make a sound.
I used to feel like I was being drowned at a circus and my screams and cries were just an act of a performance that went totally wrong
But later to review the past I realized that my act was my life and my life was at the dismiss of that song
That everyone played when they were feeling more than alone.
...

INSANE...

 Slowly I’m losing my mind and its becoming designed to format a person that fails to exist. Someone who’s constantly taken for granted and soon will surely be missed. But at my dismiss I am determined to find my way back and fight past this mist of anger and fear that is in my heart becoming so hard to bare. I am losing myself in my words and becoming blinded by the sight of fire constantly burning my heart and hopelessly tearing me apart leaving me in the darkness of the day what more is my heart to say but remorseful words of anger and regret crying, screaming and wondering what’s going to happen next. Fighting this battle of obscurity, misunderstood yeah that’s me. Agony and despair leading to regretful endless care of tormenting pain leaving me with nothing left to gain but a battered mind and a shipwrecked heart, fractured with no light insight I’m left in the dark. Lost and confused, hurt and abused, oppressed and bemused, afraid and...

Misunderstood

You must have me misconstrued if you think i'm gonna sit and allow you to continue to be so rude.

how could you be so inconsiderate to someone so close, 

Funny that now I find you completely gross.

Your sight upsets my stomach and your voice turns my gut I can't believe I considered you my sister how could I be such a nut.

I suppressed my feelings so that you can grow in blame.

now its you playing my mind game. 

maturity comes with growth in which you haven't hit yet

You see i'm the extraordinary type, the kind you can't find.

you ***ed up and this time you crossed the line.

Misconstrued is just the beginning,

Misunderstood means i'm winning...

Mask

Hiding behind a mask, I'm like the clown who lost his laugh because life has become the circus act of what I once knew was a fact. 

Lost, confused, incomplete I'm without my mother and father whose suppose to defend me, in my times of trouble I'm stuck and trapped in a bubble.

Wanting to be saved from the many dimensions of what I call my mind, deceiving and cunning I'm one of a kind. 

Past or future my mask resembles the best of 2 sides of me but don't get discouraged because its my face that you can't see. 

My eyes tell their own story in more than one perspective, but how you perceive me is what will perfect it! 

I wanna be love and hate at the same time, but that reflects in only my rhymes.

To know me beyond my mask is to fall in love with me without having to ask me who I am deep down inside because you'd answer your own question when you realize why I'm trying so hard to hide. 

PAIN

I'm so tired of being used
Kicked around and feeling abused
Physically I smile each day
But I wanna watch you bleed while hearing me say
Now you can feel my pain
When they ask you who did this you know my name

I just wanna stab someone
I want to sit there, I promise I won't run
Because I want to see the pain on your face
And all the words you said to me, making me feel like a disgrace
I want to watch your blood form patterns on the floor
I wanna know if your blood will even reach the door

I want you to understand the point im trying to get across
And I want you to know that this time I'm not the one that lost
I want you to physically feel the pain that I endure
I want you to know the pain that makes me sore
Sick to my stomach, everything in knots
No one can save you because the door is locked

I'm gonna make sure that I enjoy thi...

My Reality Check: HAPPINESS

Searching for my happiness somewhere along the lines of life itself
I feel like I'm a book that's never been read sitting on a shelf
Damn I'm tired of feeling like shyt
Wondering when you people will finally get it
I'm not just a random toy that you can just throw around
And you sit there expecting me not to make a sound
Imma human being who's been through hell
I feel like the girl who has to live, giving her body for sell
I smile and laugh each day that I awake
But I'm getting to the point where I don't know how much more I can take
I'm trying to understand you, trying to understand me
But I'm different and that's what you refuse to see
Man all I want is to finally be that girl that is happy
Not the shallow female that continuously feels crappy!
I'm spinning in circles trying to find my focus
But I'm starting to feel like the clown constantly laughed at, at the circus

All That You Are to Me

My smile, my laugh, my eyes
You are helping me to see
That I am much more than what others portray me to be
That I am beautiful, that I am strong
My strength, my help, my faith
Ensuring me that I am able to conquer anything
With my little big poet and my poetry
Side by side motivating me
You are my friend, my hidden side, my inspiration
I look in the mirror and see your eyes through me
Resembling all that I want and need you to be
Apart of my life.
My dream companion, my soul mate reality
Or at least that’s what I want you to be
To stand in your shoes, and sleep in your shirt
You are my man, my Moses Blanks, my little big poet
Who hold a special place in my heart
That which you are
My solider, my warrior, my king
Willing to fight and defend his queen
If only you could be mine,
For a day maybe even two
Who on earth kno...