School Daze

Bleed Out

Yesterday,

You kissed me as if we still love each other.

Today,

The conversation went away as if we never knew one another.

48 hours ago we drank, we laughed, we stopped just short of crying.

Today,

RADIO SILENCE

and

Truthfully speaking this separation seems worse than dying.

Definitely easier said than done.

YOU were supposed to be my ONE....

and ONLY.

Lonely

Was never supposed to be part of this plan.

Yet here we are...

I begged God for motivation to write again,

Had I known it'd cost me you... I would've rather never touched a pen again.

Never buy another journal or notebook,

Never rhyme again and have a graphophobic outlook

I'm so shook.

My handles tremble as my heart bleeds onto this tear stained paper.

Wishing I could rewrite the ending from "bye" to "ill see you later",

Because seeing you later would...

Hard head Soft Ass

I’ve always had a problem with wanting things that just could not be…

As I child I often cried because, I wanted never ending weekends so I could be forever free.

I wanted candy for breakfast, popsicles for lunch and ice cream for dinner.

I wanted it to always be my turn and of course I wanted to always be the winner….,

“But That’s not how life works” became a mantra instilled in me many years ago.

Too bad old habits die hard, and that’s one that I could never quite let go.

I want you….

And In addition to it feeling normal these feelings also reign true.

I know that I shouldn’t,

I hear you saying we couldn’t,

I just can’t help but feel like we can….

You say this isn't that for you..

But it is for me.

So as far as where it’s going, I guess we just have to wait and see....

Til the pen runs dry

I told myself

That I’d write a three part love poem that had a very happy ending.

So certain how it would play out that I scribbled in the conclusion before the beginning.

I spoke of wedding bells and happy days,

Only to end with a leading actress wearing no face.

I’m writing a three part love poem and I no longer know who it’s about….

After the loudest whispers and quietest screams there’s only confusion to be sorted out. 

So now I say I started a three part love poem that ran out of love before I ran out of words to say

 I suppose that's why I talk in circles until my words to drift up and away.

 I don’t know if I'm writing "it’s nice to meet you" or "it was good knowing you",

But,

I’m writing…

I’m living…

I’m losing…

                           ...

Ode to my secret Queen

She sprinkles me with her light showers every morning before I exit the door…

Usually vain efforts serving as a sample that  only makes me want you more.

A silent tug of war 

I leave her everyday, just to go to work and freely dream about you.

Needing more than just getting the job done and she can’t do what you do.

I like the splashes she leaves on my skin  but they simply can’t compete,

With the way you fully engulf me in wetness and silence my desire to speak.

Peacefully drowning me.

You swallow me whole like a meal you’ve been dying to eat.

Gently pulling me under until we reach new heights.

No arguments

No fights

Other than me fighting to stay when I know it’s our time to end

I tend to stand over you staring and debating if we should go again

But…

We don&rsqu...

The Quietest Scream

After a few trips around the sun, 

at last we reunited under the stars.

The moon being the sole keeper of our secrets

Using privacy to protect this love we call ours.

Love songs resounding in the background happy and sad alike,

Once again we joined hands and danced the words to the most confusing love story I’d ever write.

Twisting,

Twirling,

Whirling,

To songs of heartbreak, pain, and pleasure.

Winding,

Grinding,

Sliding,

To songs of past, forever and never…

She pressed her body onto mines and let me know that our hearts still had matching beats.

Hypnotizing rhythmic drumming keeping me oblivious to her taking over me.

The vibrations of her voice and laughter traveled through my veins,

And the image of her smile firmly planted itself deeply into my brain.

She snatched my heart out and...

Doom

Her phone…..

Makes a lot of noise while she’s asleep.

All the different songs and buzzes gently pound against the outermost layer of my Cerebral cortex.

Or,

maybe thats just me over thinking…..

I mean it’s really none of my business to be thinking at all.

Besides,

 if she’s here with me

physically,

why should I care about who’s on the other end of a phone call...

or text..

Let me lie back down 

and lie to myself,

About what this really is and how much it means to me.

She’s free

I’m free

So we can be

Whatever we want to be

 And if we choose to live this life differently 

Then we must accept living life separately 

Respectfully

I know

For us

There is no infinity or beyond for this temporary universe we've created,

One Love

race war and a global pandemic yet my identity crisis is at an all time high,

The world loves me and hates me both at the same d*mn time,

And I

don’t know who I want to be.

I mean

Scratch that

I should say I don’t know which me I’m allowed to be.

See,

When I’m in the driveway dribbling and shooting with the guys,

The whole neighborhood watches with love and adoration in their eyes,

But in that same neighborhood 

Those same neighbors show that taking a walk down the street can be unwise.

A Sunday stroll could end up earning me a Monday in jail.

No bail,

Just a delayed release....

Because 

they love and they hate me....

They Love to hate me,

Yet Hate to love the culture thats in me.

The culture that get shamed publicly,

Facebook Friends

Jealousy....

A raging Demon inside of me,

But How could it even be

That every like and comment you get, drives me past insanity.

Actually,

Insanity might be pretty sane compared to me,

Because factually 

I lost my mind 314 days 10hours & 29 minutes ago when you first said hi to me.

I told you that I hate you even acknowledged me,

But honestly

I hate how much I love you.

Now....

where do we go from here?

Uncomfortably boxed into a friend or peer,

But deep down I know the love is there.

Just say Go,

Or come here,

Or yes,

Just don’t say no,

And I promise To leash the beast inside of me.

A stray dog with a new home!

Vaughn can keep his fingers as long as he keeps them on his side of the keyboard.

Mr. Webber can live as long as he sticks to saying ok and no more.

Henry was supposed to be ...

Insomniac Dreams

Last night... 

I dreamt of you in such a way that makes Pornhub seem PG13.

There wouldn’t even be a category to classify the different things I had seen.

It started with the softest touch to a most sensitive area on your body

Which oddly,

Embraced me. Filling my hands with a love one notch short of Godly.

Angelic sounds escaped through the lips you bit down on to try and hold them in.

Followed by gasp matching the patterns I painted with my forefinger on the other end.

Circular motions while pulling you closer

Until you leaned in for this kiss.

This Kiss

That....Kiss....

The one that opened up the door to a parallel universe in which gravity ceased to exist.

So as I lifted you up, your clothing majestically floated away

Revealing a way

For me to play 

Insert..... my.... face.....

Stuck in time,

This is Me

A lot of people meet someone new,

and the first thing they do

is play 21 questions.

However,

I was cut from a different cloth.

Born to Go against the grain,

Kind of strange,

But I prefer to prematurely surrender 12 facts associated with my name.

One...

Ever since I was a kid I've always hated to get my hands dirty.

No mud,

No bugs,

No Play-Doh,

No handshakes unless I have sanitizer everywhere I go.

Two....

Life is a dirty game that I've contemplated washing my hands of on several occasions.

Three...

I love my mom.

Main reason I'm still here.

I love my brother, sister, and father too,

but

I love my mom.

Three...

My mom hated majority of the girls I've dated.

Not to say that's where we're headed.

Just want you to...