Cafe Au Lait

CATEGORY

romance

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I think of you every morning. Every morning when I make my coffee. Let's start from the beginning. Coffee, your father, black, bitter, intense Sweet Cream, your mother, nice but gives you stomach aches Together they make Cafe Au Lait, my favorite. I could choose tea or an energy drink but just the thought of you Peps me up Waiting for a text back is like waiting for the pot to brew but so much worse See, with the coffee. I know that I'm getting out what I put in, and then some. With you, I am the discarded grounds in the wet stained filter on the counter Not the trash because that would be obvious that you dont care but, left on the counter, giving hope that I might be used if you are desperate I drink you from my favorite mug. I cant wait for you to cool down because I miss you between each sip So I burn myself, over and over It's worth it because you feel so good. I crave your taste and go back for more. My mind convinces my tongue that you are ready to be fully consumed. My mind convinces my heart that I should make a cup of you, exactly how I want instead of just accepting that you would rather be back on the shelves, on display, flashy, for anyone to pick I accepted you, wholeheartedly. Every piece. Cracks in the mugs, grounds at the bottom of my cup, sometimes the cream curdles, sometimes it's too salty from tears that have spilled in....I guess that ones my fault I start over. It's gotten to the point where I have no idea why i even drink you. It's just muscle memory. I go through the motions. I spend time, everyday, working on you. You dont actually make me feel better anymore but, I still love you. If I stopped drinking coffee, there would be a noticeable shift for me but, you would be just fine. You have shown that with your distance. You're on a shelf I cant reach. No step ladder, no map to your heart. It's crazy, I feel guilty even writing this. Like its betraying you. Like you came with no labels, no nutritional facts and I'm letting everyone know that you're dark roasted medium bodied short fused cold hearted high in sodium untrustworthy aggressive goofy beautiful insecure jealous but really good in bed. Oh, that last point....when you were inside me, I was beside myself. You ***ed away all doubts and fears and left me reeling in the afterglow of too many orgasms to count. You say you're sorry but you have know idea how much you really need to apologize for....maybe you do. The latter is more probable. You're not stupid. Even though I teach you a new word everyday...you taught me things... To quote Elle Woods, "sorry for what? For breaking my heart or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and then, taking it away" While writing this, it has been 10 days since I've seen you, since I've heard your voice but, we're in love? How am I in a long distance relationship with someone who lives 30 minutes away? I cant do this. I mean, I can. I have been. But, I wont. It's not fair. I give you everything. Time, support, love, my body, my heart....my heart....my heart was yours to take. I handed it to you. You took it and used it as a bolster to *** a stripper with. You took it and used it as headphones to block out the sound of your phone when I constantly reach out. You took it and used it as handcuffs to keep yourself from calling. You took it and showed it to your family...laughing at it with your brothers while telling me I'll be around for the holidays.