Love burning...

CATEGORY

life

...I always hated the night time because that’s when the distractions stop and I’m alone with my mind picking at the things that could be better and all the things that will never...searching for answers i can only assume with what I’m given over analyzing the life I’m living dissecting myself to pick apart my flaws which is just excuses to find a reason for it all why my bed is cold why my days are spent alone how I could love someone so much but the future remaining unknown but he’s the mate to my soul which is hard to let go ..I want that so badly to have the physical representation of love and enjoy a simple hug from my King which seems like the easiest thing to me but yet so far away years I remained patient at the thought of change but I don’t believe a lot these days I started to blame myself for the solitude like there’s something wrong with me no convincing of anything else the cause is me.. i can tell my vision seems obscured lately I tilt my head sideways assessing blankly not sure what to think given what I see seems like it’s ulterior motives to me but what can I say cause if I say what I think concentration is shifted way past the point you fail to see I got my shortcomings and i work on giving all of me but when it’s not in return I feel our connection is incomplete Im exhausted continuously explaining what you dnt see wanting it to be okay with me cause that’s how you want it to be so small things get push to the waist side until it starts to get heavy now it’s an elephant that won’t leave in the mental room with you and me but the problem is of my creation.. misinterpretations of my communication often times have me lost in translation and I’m sick of making painted pictures with tears on my heart weighing It’s so much more to this sh!t all cause I wanted little texts, love voice messages all to create a physical existence sharing gifts to alleviate the distance but I should stop wishing...a love once was and in my hands I f#ck it up with thoughts of fading trust self inflicting emotional cuts so I’m sorry if I always got an issue wit chu and made myself lose you and this ain’t what you wanna do anymore I was tryna make it better and wanted to be with you never ending forevers type feeling I’m destructive and need healing even when it’s going good i start peeling layers dissecting what is and what isn’t with flawed eyes f#cking  up my vision thinking I had good intentions wanting more than what you’re giving I started to see familiar pleads wanting someone to choose me things I used to say to my old thing now I’m turning the mirror on me cause this kinda sh!t don’t repeat the only common denominator is me. I dnt have it in me to carelessly open my heart to another being I have no desire to have love in my daydreams constantly replaying what could never be wanting someone to take it as serious as me I dnt need a 3rd experience to see I ain’t love worthy I’ll save myself the grief to avoid the hurting never teach a lesson twice and I’m done learning...Love burning.