300
Job's hedges
Don't know what I am going
Not sure where I have done
I'm lost between dimensions
directionless amidst all planes
Somewhere beyond abstract and before surreal
deja vu over and over, again and again
did I just say that ? huh ?
my thoughts, dreams, ideas, hopes
emotions and my understandings
my very being and prayers
are all the same but not the same
different but not different
yesterday is not my past
my past was not yesterday
tomorrow is not my future
my future is not tomorrow
my dreams are nightmares
my nightmares pull me in
because my memories are no longer
everything is too far away
no matter where I am
It's hard to forget what I know
It's easier to know what I forgot
don't know if I am asleep or awake
my insomnia has insomnia
it's a copy of a copy of a copy
Time slows and stretches my thoughts
with the gravity of singularity
Event Horizon pulls in my emotions
with no promise of returning
Time and no Time make their way
through my past and my future
at the same time and no time
Einstein said the Past and the Future exist
simultaneously .... so which one is the
chicken and which one is the egg ?
When did I think or know this ?
was it tomorrow ?
my mind is in and out of confusion
and not knowing
I am in and out of misdirection
and no direction
in and out of darkness
and through nothingness
I am in the state of being
beyond beyond
and closer than near
my mind is 3 dimensional
but my thoughts are 2 dimensional
and flow on endlessly in all directions forever
I can't finish them
because I don't know when I started them
or why
I am upside down and backwards
facing forwards looking the other way
my ears are not unlike a camera's aperature
trying to capture a moment in Time
and a time in a moment
attempting to freeze the present
already in the past
Job's hedge has been taken away from me
I am so lost my God
I want to be your Prodigal Son
my heart is angry waters
that only you can walk on and calm
I am on my hands and knees
my precious God
begging and pleading for forgiveness
for the sins I have yet to commit
I am in complete supplication
my dear Lord
surrending my all
because I need your direction, your will
because now is always the time to do so
I'm asking for Grace
even though I don't deserve it
I'm asking for Mercy
my Faith urges me to
I'm waiting for your knowledge
my Bible tells me to
I'm on my unworthy hands and knees
lost but saved
I may not know
But it's okay
because You know
forgive me my God
my iniquities are far and many
my sins are near and constant
Find me my Lord, give me purpose
there is only one decision to make
only one
so here I am my God
waiting on you
because I choose only you
You are my only answer
you are my decision and my answer
I am nothing without
Job's hedges protecting me
everyday
