I'll Envision for You (Diary of a Caregiver)

Strength Beyond Measure

Reflections of life’s events
Present and project themselves
Like a movie at a drive-in theater before me.
Flickers of déjà vu
Connect missing pieces
Aiding in my understanding
Of events to come.
A prerequisite for the preparation
Of future events.
Insights of dreams
That have come to fruition
Has brought everything full circle
As I am shown the way.
Speechless, I stand
As deafening silence
Quietly introduces itself.
Raindrops begin to fall
With resounding applause
Bringing relief to my ears
Through unseen tears
As they fell like waterfalls.
But as I listened,
My pain began to subside
And although my storm rages on,
I am at peace within
The tornado of chaos
That surrounds me.
Losing one soul after the next,
Feels like an added weight on my chest.
So how does one...

Looking for Forever

Looking for forever in a world of uncertainty.
A place where lost hopes
Find empty dreams of you and me
Searching to live happily
Even after lives were ripped to shreds,
Because Willie’s syndrome-tactics (syndrome-antics)
Created syndrome addicts
And most of us are still hooked.

Yet as though we move on,
We ask ourselves
Will insanity regain its composure and
Untie the complexities of our understandings?
Or will they relish in their complacency
And let things remain as they are, as is?

Will we ever figure it out?

Looking for forever in a world of uncertainty
A place where renewed faith and hopes
Lost in fulfilled realities of we and they
Were found living happily
Even after lives have been ripped to shreds,
May seem farfetched
But it’s not impossible.
Because Willie’s syndrome-tactics (syndrome-an...

After the Rain

Heaven sent its angels

In the form of the raindrops

Silently comforting the unknown

In preparation for their next arrival.

Cool and gentle were the winds

That whispered to the clouds

As the sky transitioned

From gray to blue.

Her qualifications proved stellar

In the eyes of God and so

He prepared a special place for her.

Relinquishing her of all pain

Renewing her strength and vitality

As He took her by the hand.

Her loving smile and friendly personality

Will be forever etched

In the hearts and minds

Of all who came to know her.

And although for now as tears flow

Peace and smiles will prevail

As we reflect on her memory.

Yes, our hearts are heavy

But this too will come to pass

She’s fine and better than ever now

Since her joy came tha...

What Remains to be Seen:

Speak love, light and prosperity

Into every ear regardless of

The choices they make.

Silence harmful tongues and

Allow the power that is,

Determine their fate.

By human nature we’re seekers

Our inquisitiveness can sometimes

Lead to raised brows or squinting eyes

As we try to understand

The here and now

Just to make sense of things

As time passes by.

But yet if we summon

Our spiritual nature, we leave the

Unattainable and unexplainable

To the one who knows us

More than we know ourselves.

And as we gracefully accept,

Bow out and continue on with our dailies,

Time will reveal all we are to know

At every level of understanding.

No matter how strong the desire to comprehend

Plagues us to the point of que...

Life Sentence

Every time I look into your eyes,
I want to envision
The next 5 years of our lives;
Where we’ll go, what we’ll do.

With every touch I want to believe
That the next 10 years of happiness
Will raise my palpitations so high
That the bad times won’t seem so bad.

And just by the mere thought of you
The scent of your essence should
Hold me captive to your embrace
For the rest of my days.

And whenever I hear the sweet
Soulful sound of your voice,
I’ll smile as love’s vibrations
Carry us through to the end of time.

And with every kiss we should
Taste the sweetest connection
Of true love ever felt by two people
So much so that any other would be sour.

Life’s senses, touching you, seeing you,
Hearing your voice, tasting your kisses,
Smelling your essence are the o...

Heartache

Superficial tears remain ignored
I expected some fragility over time
But unbeknownst to their depth
Relief sparingly visited.

Tears graduating to full rips
Required stronger medication
While building scar tissue
Allowing me to sleep through the night.

Sometimes.

Slow motion time lapsed hallucinations
Resets time over and over again
I return to my slumber once more
As nightmares resume their chase.

In this one particular dream
I can’t even see my own face.
Who is this in my reflection?
Why doesn’t she look like me?

How can this be?
Skin tone and features are identical
Movements and gestures are mimicked
I swear it’s someone else,

My heart mosaically shatters
Wrenching in pain,
Blindly enraged I yell
It’s not meeeeeeee!!!!!

And it was with the deafening sound
...

No Recollection

A loss for words

Rendered me speechless

Unrecollectable actions

Desperately try to resurface.

But remain forever drowned

In glass bottoms.

An inebriated tongue unknowingly

Spake words of unintentional pain

Causing teardrops to waterfall from

Blurred eye wells even though

Repeatedly being wiped away.

Heartbreak ensued when

The realization of their pain

Could no longer be hidden

But by then it was too late.

A multitude of emotions blindly

Took turns surfacing and resurfacing

Very few words were remembered

Yet a single line stuck in my mind.

Attempts to reach out to regain

Recollections of the event

Fell on tear soaked ears

So I digress to allow needed space.

Hopefully things will change

Praying for forgiveness

With explanation and reass...

Forever Changed: Remembering 9/11

Within the beginning hours
Of the lives of many, 
Unspeakable acts of evil unfolded.
Yet to the surprise of terrorists’ eyes
Came the unification and true strength
Of the American people.
Looking back at one of
The most indelible moments
In American history,
We witnessed an
Unbridled valor that
Gave new meaning to patriotism,
Courage, kindness and solidarity.
We remember the thousands
Of lives lost along with
Todd Beamer, the passengers
Of United Airlines flight 93 and
The first responders who while
Attempting to save as many
Lives as possible, sacrificed their own.
Which brings me to the one verse
That can best describe their actions
And that is John 15 13: which simply states
“Greater love hath no man than this,
That a man lay down his life for his friends.”

It was on th...

Fervently Friday

As I come to the end of my road
On this one-year journey
Without my husband,
Whom I will forever have love for,
I can see and feel
The road starting to smooth out.
Today I spoke with someone
Whose words comforted me and
Made these last few bumps
A little easier to take.
As I start on this new journey,
I’m looking forward to new things.
Never forgetting the memory
Of my husband but moving on
To a new happiness.
It’s been rough at times
But it’s been a learning experience
And I am almost there.
It’s kind of like slowly letting go;
Having but not wanting to
And watching as our fingertips touch
And let go for the very last time.
This is a new step for me
But with God’s guidance,
As I reach out to the hand
He appointed, I know everything
Will be as it’s supposed to be.

A Change Is Coming

I woke up this morning relieved.

Last night’s dreams, pleasantly sweet

Along with answered prayers aided in

The relief of physical pains that

Come ever so graciously as we age.

It was like my heart had been hugged

For the first time ever and

All I could feel was love.

With everything that I’ve been going

Through over time,

I can see and feel them

Being put to rest.

I can feel the faith that things

Are going to get better.

I can feel the hope that comes with

A waiting heart.

Having the reassurance that even

Though things may appear opposite

Of how we think they should be,

Everything is right where it needs to be.

I can feel the joy and the anticipation

As I wait for the confirmation

Of the long awaited

Will soon be here.

So in prepar...