The Ghost of Innocence

The other night...

I came across a picture of myself when I was a child.

And as I stared at my four year old self...

I must've become mesmerized by the innocence that gazed from my bright eyes.

Because I blurted out a simple but very loud "Wow"!

My 16 year old niece that happened to have been there,

Said "aunty... you good"?

I responded by just passing her the picture.

She literally screamed... then yelled

"Omg! aunty you was so adorable"! Repeatedly...

I chuckled at her dramatic reaction, while SMH...

And for a brief... I had a moment of nostalgia.

It had given me, somewhat of a breeze of peace.

But forever reason... I slipped away to my bedroom.

Closed the door... sat on my bed

As I continued to stare at the little four year old me.

Captivated by the innocence that became as a ghost that haunted me ever so gently.

I then became overwhelmed with different emotions.

Then I began to wonder to myself.

With such innocence... was I ever truly loved?

And was such love... the foundation of my conception.

I mean... why should i assume otherwise... I wasn't a bastard.

I was/am a legitmate seed.

So, I ask... if the makings of me, perhaps may have been created from the union of devotion...

When,,, where... and why did such love stop building?

When... where... and why did such love stop protecting?

When... where... and why did such love stop guiding?

When... where... and why did such love stop nurturing?

When... where... and why did such love stop caring?

Just when... where... and why did such love stop... loving?

Because looking back over my life, as far as my eyes can see...

I've known only battles.

And those friendly fires... created external wars.

But I've endured the many weapons that has formed against me.

And to this very day...

I'm still paying for debts that I've never even owed.

And though such innocence have been slain.

By grace! I'm a conqueror day by day.

But Damn!

Mama never said they'll be days like this.

While yet the saga coninues...

Jen'uwin Mor