My Heart Hurts

A Jukebox Song…”Hey Lil Momma”

*Big momma grabs the mic*

Hey lil mama, I’ve been waiting for you

You see those tears falling from the sky and hits your shoulders that’s me crying for you

Cause your pain been growing stronger

*angels sings in the background*  (Yes I know)

And your mind been on drift

*angels sings in the background* (Show me where to go)

So baby let these words save you from your own sorrow

I said hey lil momma….big momma talking to you now

I’ve been stalling some time dancing with your devil

So please run run run as far away from these shadows

until your hear your angles singing for you

*angels sings in the background*

(Let us show you where to go, let those prayers bring you home and its okay to scream while you travel amongst this road)

*Big momma taps along the stage as the sweat drips from her soul while she dances the pain away from the crowd taking their pain with h...

My Heart Hurts

My heart hurts as my thoughts breaks into a purple river of tears
My veins can no longer breathe as my past scars begins to live again 
I am to proud to submit to the hunger of vulnerability but yet I am only seen when vulnerable 
I’m scared as my white rose starts to beg for water on the desert island 
My angels looks upon my demons with confusion hoping they have a better way to cope with the pain
& yet even their eyes whispers away from the dark clouds that hovers over what’s left of my childhood garden 
Why my lord, as he takes away another gift that was never meant to be mine but only meant to be enjoyed for a short time
When will I get my own as if my heart really seeks that pain 
A broken toy for a broken a heart and a undeveloped mind when it comes to a woman natures as if I am no woman myself 
Pure to the numbness, its always been my bestfriend a safe haven to hid...

Change

I never thought change would turn my angels into drunken bastards the devil wouldn't even claim

How the ghetto left my soul behind to adapt to a world that was always cruel to the tone of my skin 

How others embrace each new year with new goals and dreams, 

while I only embrace surviving for second until my reality goes back to having to fight 365 days all over again

I never thought change would only happen when violence comes kissing at my pain 

for my lord sits with my ancestors watching the riots 
as they shed tears and sing hymns for they know change will never bring us true freedom

Or how the world would change their eyes seeing me as dangerous charity case before even seeing me as a human being

I never thought change could murder an innocent soul as it grew only from the dreams change could not touch

How change forced racism to take off it mask ...

The Lesson of Love & Hate

I was not born with the definition of hate or love 

but I was taught by society that those were the only true feelings my skin were destined to know 

I was taught to hate the idea of being vunerable, for there was no room for the world to see your weakness 

To love the ghetto for it would always be home as if my dreams could never escape to see the real sunset 

To love the picture of never being in love...now hope gave me that lesson to hurt me everytime in the end 

I was taught that I could never adapt to life errors without the love of a substance friend to make me feel better 

to only hate the presence of the liquor as I drown each thought with a shot 

before I traded the hangovers for smoke clouds I could embrace the once feared acknowledgment of my emotions ... here I fell inlove with red eyes 

I was shown to hate those who chose not to understand me all bec...

The Count Up

Zero, is where she wished to restart her life from all the nightmares
One, was the amount of times she ever felt secure about her insecurities 
Two, was the number of times her mother ever said ‘I love you’
Three, was just her lucky number before she believed things would go bad 
Four, were just amount of times she watched her father walk out her life….
Even thou it felt way more then that 
Five, was the day she was sold to the state and lost in the system 
Six, was just another birthday no-one could rememberer
Seven, was how many family members she lost to the streets
Eight, she stopped crying cause she believed no one would hear her voice 
Nine, wasn’t close to how many dreams she never had 
& ten…was the age she learned the ghetto wasn’t all ugly

Her Colors

Blue was always the color she displayed when she felt insecure 

while her mind would shy away waiting for the words of admiration from a stranger lips 

“Who am I’ she would ask her reflection as she stood in front of her lover’s eyes 

For the fist he uses is the only thing he touches her with to show affection 

Ms. Purple, she always been the closes to her

As her tears from those shallow memories she buries in her thoughts always seems to linger 

Until her angels clutches the bottle just to keep the lights in her heaven still awake 

She’s beautiful though, but will she ever know&#...

Nakedness

Could you really bare to see the love of your life truly naked ? 

Could you take the vivid images of the scars they taken upon their soul?

Or the thoughts that unrivaled in their minds they hide behind the liquor bottles of depression they hide away?

Could you truly see yourself becoming naked with them to show your scars and darkest secrets?

Or would clothes them up because your eyes can only picture them the way you want to see them?

Could you bare that nakedness for nakedness, the feeling of  vulnerability while being vulnerable? 

To understand their presence you have to dig into their tears of a past in order to build a little sun in their future 

But than again what about your peace of mind, what about the past you hide to adapt to presence you can’t not understand for a future you cry for ?

What about the thoughts you tuck away so your dreams can remain pleasant from ni...

Tired

I loved through millions of broken pieces 

As I lived through a dream that was suffocating from my nightmares 

Even the stars sleeping in the night sky I threw wishes upon

once believing those wishes would reach..could reach behind the ghetto reality I live in 

I am damaged still moving on hope when even my angels lost hope in me 

Drinking Hennessy my heaven is not looking for its own safe haven 

So I’m left here praying to whomever will listen for my Lord grows tired too

Reality

If the world stopped would you finally be able to breathe 

If your eyes sunk deep into your soul would finally be able to see 

& find the truth in someone inner beauty 

Or maybe if your angels begin to drink the liquor out your veins 

would your dreams be revived from those nightmares built off pain 

could you take the risks of turning those angels into demons 

providing your trust in love hoping it’ll conquer over hateful regions 

for we live in a world where are fears only grin

I wonder would those who live outside these ghetto walls be more fearful of a bullet or the color of my skin 

“Dear lord” for a prayer is the only none judgmental place I can begin 

Can you hear me? 

Can you finally see me for who I’m really am? 

My desires are as comfortable as the world love is for me&n...

Breathe

She yelled thousands of time to the world

but yet never been heard 

Wrote letters from her heart though prayers 

& Jesus never even seen a word 

Her mind filled with dreams with her soul so drained 

She been publicly killed by society & yet no killer still framed 

She lives her life by her poetry still yet no phrase 

to capture all that innocnece god wasn't ready to see that phase 

So the devil sits in her shoulder as her inner beauty fades 

faith lingering by her tears as they drip away from her face 

He whispers in her ear "why is it so hard for you to believe in me?

you praying to them angels while they judst drunk off Hennessy

I been on your shoulder never left your side 

He abandoned me too ima fallen angel just like you 

& yet you ain't ever hear me cry"

She thought devil "why you always so...