The Sunken Place...

CATEGORY

life

...spending majority of my time Replaying my days hoping they change but theyre all just the same like I’m navigating a maze so hard to get away from the silence just to let time pass and get Out of my mind and stop searching for answers like I ever found it while in the night tears echoing loudly but I can’t close my ears to drown it to be stuck in my mind causing internal damage instead I play music just to manage and escape a reality that I’ve over-examined tryna reach out but no one will listen they don’t know what I’m feeling open ears that just don’t get it telling me why I ain’t living? like it’s something I’m missing I rather have 1 person and not 3 I rather have love not a “let’s see” not s leading me on playing for keeps all while tryna get the next open kitty I never was down to play I always been foreign to that game all I ever wanted was a last name from a king that wanted a change and the same thing that’s when You came into the picture cause my last had me looking in the mirror hanging on his words like A chandelier to a point where months turned to years constantly stuck in the same gear so I ended it with doubt being a souvenir cause he didn’t know my worth Like I didn’t deserve now I’m side eyeing anyone’s word that’s feeding me sh!t I already heard..even when I met you, you were Just hard to ignore and poured my heart out down to my core and you did the same and gave me yours I admit I was guarded but wanted more cause I never felt this before who’s to know what’s real these days everyone’s in a game to play with minimal love but all the room for hate but I let my fears down for my sake and found a love that recognized my soul yours to take.. as months turned to a year I’m still yours, loyal to an app reading words of a person I’ve never seen or heard it was cool at first but realized I’m hanging on words like I’ve had this feeling before of a past thing that carried me out to a sea of doubt waiting (wading) close to drowning fighting waves in my mind I feel myself debating what’s so different? I pop a pill doubt starts fading temporary thoughts im no longer saving drift off as my unconscious is creating something new continuously dreaming of what I want with you dreams to reality till I wake Up mind still on mute clocking in to an app where my heart lives which is you...I be hoping for something different but you’re okay with what you’re giving but if I voice my opinion I’m tripping, words taken outta context; tension getting Extra Loud. I’m just saying why I’m down, without it seeming like I’m asking for too much now. I just wanna hear words I never heard you say. Simple sh!t like “how was your day?” And even if I say it was okay- just hearing your voice would make it great. To make it feel like it ain’t all superficial; like black and white words saying I miss you and trust me I’m not trying to cause an issue but maybe you get what I’m saying a bit too...cause I’m waking up in the middle of the night only to realiZe a quiet it’s setting in it’s a permanent silent making me feel so small in a big apartment will it always be like this? Mind tired of the silence so I lay back down familiar tears escape my eyelids and I’m trying to calm my mind and fast forward time and wiping my tears tryna keep my eyes dry, steady wondering why he don’t want me enough? to see me, be with me the person he love, calm all my nights that be keeping me up and make sure I never question what this was...I’m just going through the phases in a couple days I’ll be straight I guess depression is depression no matter the case or how great I just know to recognize my dark days and keep them at bay for my mental’s sake... loveNefertiti.Aura🖤