Dear Old Toya

Time for releasing

Molested

Lied to

Cheated on

Betrayal

Abandoned

Mental Abuse

Emotional Abuse

Physical Abuse 

I've held onto these all for so long that they've become of who I operated in

You see I say I'm over it all and boom triggered

I can no longer go through life holding onto the toxicity of my past

2021 will be the last year that I let my past control how I live and miss out on what God has for my life

Chapter 37

Anger 

Forgiveness 

Sadness 

Depression 

Anxiety 

Low self esteem 

All things carried to Chapter 37

Healing 

Growth

Happiness 

Elevation 

Confidence 

All things leaving with Chapter 37

Chapter 37 you showed me a lot 

Chapter 37 you may be the chapter of healing and truth

Dear Old Toya

I’ve tried to write you this a million times 

And every time, I get stuck in time

I have so much I remember from your past

Happy times you thought would always...

When I met you

When I met you 

I never knew I would love you 

When I met you 

I grew I felt like I would never be right for you 

When I met you 

I was a few years younger than you 

When I met you 

You had no idea I fell in love with you 

When I met you 

Who knew God would keep me for you 

When I met you 

I secretly wanted to be with you 

When I met you 

I was so grateful God made you 

When I met you 

Get up

Everyone was coming to me for guidance and I was sitting in dirt 

Confused about who I am 

Thinking that my body is the only thing I had to offer 

Everyday I was putting on a mask pretending to be fine 

Dying inside, literally 

Then one day, this voice came to me 

“Daughter, I made you for greatness. Your body is holding onto so much more. Get up!” 

Even in my sin and rebelliousness, I have been favored and chosen

So that voice that you try to ignore is really God saying, 

Daughter, Son, Get Up!

And Finally

And finally ,

Reality has hit

You are not gonna be mine 

I need to finally quit

Gotta be fine 

Gotta accept your choice 

Finally gonna take back the rest of my time 

You will never hear my voice 

At this point I’m gonna be your past 

Been felt like this was a game 

From the start I knew this was too good to last

Every time I close my eyes I hear your name 

But you are not the one for me 

This is not meant to be 

You have another option 

Knew from the beginning 

And I still stupidly feel for you 

Now go do what you want to 

And finally I’ll move on too

The Other Woman

The other woman

I’m the other woman 

The other woman 

Not always a nasty, home wrecking , looking for a come up female 

The other woman 

May actually be a good woman but keeps falling for lies and false hope 

The other woman 

See I had no intention on being with you 

But out of nowhere, you came into my life and took my heart 

You had me hooked

Everyday got better because now I wasn’t the other woman 

Now you are finally mine 

On cloud nine 

Then that day came that I feared 

“She’s “ back and now she’s pregnant 

My whole heart broke 

I’m the other woman again 

You can’t make me first every again 

I leave , come back, leave , come back 

Can’...

Broken-hearted girl

When she walks into the room you wouldn’t ever be able to tell the pain she’s holding 

She smiles thru it all and never complains

Her character is not like any other 

But that’s just her cover up

See she knows if she keeps a good heart and pulls you in at some point she will feel like you can heal her

But she never realized that she needs to heal herself 

The broken-hearted girl looks at herself in the mirror everyday 

She tells herself one day it will be better but really doesn’t believe it 

One day at a time people told her but it’s been 5 years 

The pain is still the same as the day her whole life changed 

This broken heart hurts more then she lets herself realize 

So let her know she is safe

Let her know you care

Let her know she is golden 

Trust me you k...

I’m Not

I’m not mad at you 

Cause you did what i allowed

I’m not gonna keep hating you 

Cause you have too much power over me 

I’m not gonna keep tryna hold onto you 

Cause I’m just destroying myself 

I’m not gonna forget you 

Cause I’m learning from this 

See at this point, I have to get over you 

And everything I wanted to have with you 

I finally moved on 

I’m over you 

You can think I’m gonna give you another chance 

I’m NOT

Survivor. Not a Victim.

Survivor. Not a victim. That's what I am. I'm not ashamed of the fact that I have to say that. See I'm a good hearted person and make mistakes giving my heart away. So when you came around, I was open to giving you all of me. Fast forward to months in and my good heart begins to take a lot of blows. Along with the blows that my body, emotions, and mind took. Fast forward to finding out I'm pregnant. Yup kind hearted woman gets pregnant by cold hearted . 7 months pregnant and you haven't been anything but the devil. Social media attacks, abused on every level, and pre term labor. Now as I sit in this courtroom asking for protection from you it makes me sick to my stomach that I am bearing your son. It makes me feel like a damn fool for ever believing in you. But I also feel strong and determined. I'm not perfect but I'm a Survivor. I'm a mother. I'm Royalty. I'm Free.