172900
5
Buy the rumor, sell the news
Make a profit, if you choose
Stocks, bonds, and cryptocurrency to buy and keep
No jammy, but like Miami, I still keep that heat!
Don’t trust banks, so I stash my cash and receipts under my seat
And my freezer’s were I mash the rest of my stash
Just thawed a block, about to hawk some hard cold cash!
While I waited, my fleeting needs were long debated
Decided that I really didn’t need to spend or waste it
Tossed it back in the freezer, out of utter frustration
Contemplating my situation, on my kitchen floor, slowly pacing
Am I a miser, a lier, or a bloody fascist?
Ain’t earning any interest on those dead presidents buried deep in my mattress
Naw, remember when you bought that posturpedic?
That you really needed?
For your slip disc, when they ran your card, it triggered fraud
At that fancy furniture store, your lady was so embarrassed she whispered oh my god…
Your voice cracked
When you told the manager, you could handle that
You called Bank of America, and got an automated response, what’s up with that!?
When the representative said that I had to call in advance to spend more that $2,000 dollars you were so Flummoxed
That that vein on your forehead was about to bust!
As the accountant reviewed your last five transactions and stuff
You explained that you could cover the entire expense
The representative says that you haven’t bought a mattress in years since
You say, I know, that’s why I’m trying to get a new one today
But when I used my bank debit card, they threatened to take it away.
The representative apologized and removed the fraud alert so that we could finalize our purchase
She asked me to standby by for a brief survey, to comment on her service…
