There’s a battle going on between my heart and mind.
Trying to understand what I am feeling…
I have so much that I want to say, but the words are too hard to find.
My heart is speaking loudly, but my mind says I need time to heal.
I need to release this tension building within me.
I find writing to be good therapy.
So, I put the pen to the pad and speak my truth through poetry.
Maybe the answer will reveal itself to me.
Hopefully the words I express won’t create judgment.
This battle between my heart and mind has been going on too long.
Don’t judge me please…I just need to speak my truth and vent.
I need to resolve this soon, but how can I make a decision without feeling like I am doing something wrong?
Overthinking is causing my emotions to be all over the place.
I walk around with a smile, but I know that my true feelings are written all over my face.
My wife and I have been together for 14 years,
But we got married a year ago.
It has not been easy…my wrongdoings have caused her to shed many tears.
I will admit that I have cheated on her many times and I know it has been hard for her to forgive and let it go.
I’m not justifying my flaws, but she’s not innocent either.
She has cheated on me and placed my feelings on the backburner.
Instead of coming to me to discuss any issues she had, she ran to her family and friends.
Now, I’m labeled as the bad guy and the cause of the pain she feels.
I stopped cheating and tried communicating with her, but the arguments never end.
I’ve tried to do all I can to make this relationship last,
And do things in a better way.
But all she want to do is bring up my past.
Now, I feel like all I do is try to prove my love.
The waves of my emotions are crashing against the shores of my heart.
I’m just trying to stay afloat and rise above.
Here’s where the problem comes in.
12 years into my relationship, I met a woman who had become a really close friend.
One night, while out drinking…
Okay before I continue…don’t judge me…I know what y’all are thinking.
Yes, we slept together and crossed that friendship line.
She felt bad and stop all communication.
But I can’t seem to get her off my mind.
I accepted and respected her decision,
But I know she and I had built a strong connection.
I let it go and bottled up my feelings for her.
After 14 years, my girlfriend and I had finally got married.
I tried focusing on my relationship and repair what was broken.
But it’s getting harder to bare these burdens I’ve carried.
To my surprise, nothing has changed…things between my wife and I have worsen.
So, three months after I married my wife, the other woman and I crossed paths again.
When we hugged and looked into each other’s eyes,
My feelings for her came rushing backing in.
I tried hiding my emotions behind a disguise,
But it was only revealing itself.
I told her that I had got married.
She told me she had met someone else,
But I know that she wasn’t truly happy.
We walked away…
But I know both of us wanted to stay.
A few months later while out with my brothers,
I saw her again.
This time we didn’t walk away…
Y’all already know what happened…
Now, I’m sitting here wondering what I should do…
I can’t tell a lie…
I have strong feelings for her, and she feels the same.
She sent me a text revealing her feelings for me, but not sure how or if I should reply.