Do I deserve ,to build up the nerve ,to destroy this generational curse, with all these bible verses, while keeping God first and showing the world my distrubed inner girl.
All the pain and shame, I'm to blame. There are some many things I wish I could change, like 15 and sleeping with a married man, I don't even understand what typa man, naw *** that, this isn't the plan to blame the man, I do understand I played my hand, and slept with another woman man. I can't pretend those is just some of my many sins.
Sex was my addiction, grown men was my redemption, sex with them really wasn't even fun I really was numb, but the fact of the matter is my privates was all they really was after. Smoking trees remembering my Grandma saying"lay with dogs you get up with flees" but that's the thing, the dogs had already gotten to me, was it a chance to see if it's wet as you imagined it to be, or they just couldn't wait to see! however it may be this is what created my redemption theme.
If you just going to take it, I might as well play fit since my cherry no longer exists, at least I can pick so I won't resist, You think you grown, I can you show you a thing or two, or that smartmouth gonna come with a cost, what they would say as you cross. Man I'm the boss up and take a loss you will never be able to get these draws! Was my response, Oh that really turns them on and this is how my redemption was found.
What was redeem? Nothing..., a few stalker's and memories of the bastards , as I get older I notice this is what I chose, to be very bold an watch my karma unfold and reveal my truth while other's lies be exposed. The stories never show how to heal and grow, after the man that everybody know, is the one creeping through the door, finding me on the floor because I'm the one he adores during the snores.
Furthermore! family,is what started my *** it, might as well just give it out. When you tell them what happened , they say don't tell nobody what goes on inside of my house! Deal with it, you wanted it, or do you think you above it, well damn what I missed I thought I was a child, can't say now gotta pretend that basically me and my mama got the same man, and it sucks because I'm only ten and my daddy in the pin. This is where I notice my generational curse appeared.
Now I'm almost 30 and Paris had me thristy, curious, searching until i realized my life wasn't taken but have purpose, that little girl, didn't deserve it. Grew up thinking manipulation was her home, controlling was her throne and, abusiveness was the only love that she had been shown, so now that she grown I'm building a new home, made with peace an love, from God up above.
Kamra did her part ripped my marriage from start sadly that's not when she broke my heart because that part I don't even know where to start. He's a pastor and a family was all he was after. It's a funny matter, I thought I was happier when I left the disaster, of the same sex almost martial. Lip stayed busted but I've adjusted to the woman beater now that's it end of discussion, Now this the part, the pastor came and I made him my man not from the start but he played his part an sneaked into my heart. My kids loved him from the start,you gotta understand I really did think he was that man, so he married me all happy all go lucky, than I began to see a difference when he realized I'm really barren, due to my ovarian cancer.
Now I'm in my head poking to see if I'm brain dead, have I been misled, but unfortunately for me, Beaumont is full of hoes and that's what he chose for on his team, instead of standing 10 toes with me , but one particular chic one gave us offer, that we been sought after. To become parents for her unborn daughter, but our marriage was already starving. I was cornered, what to do, stay longer, show him your stronger. 3 months old and we was done , he took our baby because I could no longer pretend our marriage was at the end, Betty the hammer was my only friend, and my only defense for pastor when he brought abuse back again in.
3 years since I've see the baby that was for me, that hurt deep. Fall to my knees thanking God for my seeds, they planted like trees. I finally can see that the generational curse ends with me! I get to be the change I want to see by Truly loving me. Dare I say ( Tupac) through the night there is a brighter day? What I can say is God didn't make the world in a day, so heal yourself brick by brick until no wall exists!
Tata2020!
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Generational Curse
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