The house was sold some years ago
Changing hands a few times since then
But there are
“today”
Kinda moments
Where I still climb the dozen steps to the second floor in teenaged leaps and bounds
Gently knocking on your bedroom door
And sometimes you didn’t hear me
Church music on the transistor radio
And/or
Deep in meditation preparing tomorrow’s weekly invitation to
Go to heaven
Or burn in hell
Never a grey area
It had to be that much of importance to me
Daringly venturing into the abyss of your meditation
Not to be sent to eternal damnation
Approaching your throne with courage
Conviction
A divine purpose
Stepping lightly into the minefield of your mindset
Careful not to detonate explosives
It had to be of the utmost of importance
To demand your immediate attention
And I would exit in the greatest of haste to
Let you do what you do in the way and time you saw fit to do it
With permission to
Depart from you
This time
Forgiveness of my unholy interference and disturbance
In peace
No doxology or
Closing Amen
And today
In my mind
Seeking you out once again in that room
Knowing you would not be there
And there is the pain
Still
Knowing you will not be there to answer my nervous door knock
Occupied now by strangers
I have no idea who these people are
Owning the deed to
That white house in the middle of the block
My house
Still
And the question I need an answer to
Today
Hoping it reaches wherever you are in heaven
At this moment
Not disturbing whatever you are addressing
Once I ask
I will exit quietly
Confidently
Because you handled it yesterday
Handling it right now in my present conscience
And will handle in your
Dad like way
In all the tomorrows I have left