my pops instilled fear in me I hated the sound he made when he breathe I wanted blood when he made me bleed crossed my fingers and wished he would leave he did but didn't stay gone for long I dreamed of killing him in his sleep for constantly giving me nightmares the night I plunged a knife in his side couldn't understand why mama cried thought she was on my side my only regret is he didn't die I really tried to kill him he was too loaded on heroin to feel it mama told everybody it was a accident as if I didn't mean to do it I went along with it awhile wondering where did I go wrong maybe I should've used a butcher knife instead of a flimsy steak knife maybe I should've stuck him twice I wasn't nothing nice to those who were mean to me I had so many tricks under my sleeves when I was little I slept with weapons under the pillow facing the door always ready for war