"HER"

Daily Decisions

Life . it takes on missions that sometimes knock us down , then other times build us and make us stronger . It hurts when life doesn't always go as planned. We spend time trying to gather thoughts on choices that will either harm us or help us . Sometimes the decisions we make reflect from other people that have been around us . Just as a mirror , we have to look into life and not just look into it , but understand our meaning . as a individual , we all have a purpose , other people will tell us what we SHOULD do in life , but the ultimate leaders of our life are  us . 

drama ...

A thin line between love and hate

  It's a thin line between love and hate... so why do we keep trying to make things work ? they say actions speak louder than words , so why do you continue to show me you don't care , but then when I try to leave ... you beggin' me to stay ?? it's our emotions that keeps us from leaving..... it's the words you say to me that make me second guess ending this relationship. It hurts to stay , and it hurts even more if I leave . I love you , yes I do... but the speed of the wind , and the way the sun is setting... keeps tellin me I don't . I'm confused because we started young , but this whole "growing old together" doesn't fit the equation I keep on trying to solve. It this just a silly game that forces you to act this way ? you see the many questions I have for you... and you can't answer either one. it's the way I sound , how my body is reacting ,  and how I look at you that's got you speechless. you can't face me , the other one who  has your heart and would go cr...

"A Long Regret"

... Sitting here thinking why I let it go so young. I wasn't ready for it , but I thought I was. I gave my Momma's secret away to someone who didn't care at all. I'll never be able to get over how I let you use me even though it was NOT  rape , I allowed it to happen. when you have Raging hormones and all you can do is think about how it is , or what its like ..... you  don't think of the consequences that come along with it. Dealing with this battle of hope .. hope that you would love me til the end , and we could be together as long as I knew the word Eternity. I replay the vision over and over again because Its you I can't stop thinking of . Its not the "joy" and "happiness" you gave me ... its the PAIN , AND THE REGRET , AND THE MOVING ON WITHOUT ME THAT YOU GAVE ME AND I HATE YOU FOR IT . SLEEPLESS NIGHTS , CRYING OF THE SOUL UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT BUT  SCARS. somebody please  tell me why I could not WAIT . do you even care ? did you fall in love lik...

"My flow"

 .... I'm sometimes known to put on an act in front of people.... But I don't stand on a stage.  I'm  a actor , I pretend that everything  is okay by covering up the situation with just a simple smile. I'm a painter , I color in the holes that cloud my mind with dark negativity and replace them with light. I'm a singer , I sing out my cries when I wanna be heard and let nothing , or even no one try to silence me. I handle different situations with the same line over and over ......... "it's okay" but in reality , it's not okay . I sometimes dream of being on a beautiful island where the sun glistens smoothly on the waves , and where the birds sing to wake me in the mornings. A soft , warm bed with purple and pink roses . But when I wake from my dream , it's not the same . Then that's when LIFE kicks back in. Some have it already made.... The "rich" life , the money , their dream place. But in all honesty , they are not happier than the next person hoping and w...

"HER"

I don't wanna be the girl who nobody listens to. the girl who wakes up , and is covered in HATE. I don't wanna be "HER" , the girl that everybody passes by , but never stops to look her in her eyes to find out who she REALLY is. I don't wanna be "HER" , the girl who everybody always talks about. I don't wanna be the girl who nobody cares for , but EVERYBODY judges. I don't wanna be "her" , the girl who you wanted to be with for just one night , instead of a lifetime. I can't be "her" , the girl that NOBODY understands. I can't be "her" , the girl who used to love herself , but now HATES herself because of what everybody else says and does to her. I can't be the girl who walks around waiting on something that she knows will never come. I don't wanna be the girl who you play games with , and "PRETEND" to love just to get something out of her. I don't wanna walk around with my head down ashamed of myself , forcing my " bitter side" to show. I'm tired of taking my ange...