This Smile I Wear

Good Intentions

Bring me back to life

I'm in belief that my sould has committed suicide

My heart rate slowly turns to a flat line

as I try and gasp for air one last time

It becomes harder to breathe, or so it seems

you're just suffocating me

Covering me like a comforter on Summer's eve

resting your head on my shoulder as if my own neck doesn't belong to me

I mean, I'm suffocating

slowly losing consiousness of the situation I used to be so infatuated with

but now all I can do is gather my thoughts and stay contemplatin'

Taking deep breaths

as I'm tryna get a hold of myself

and deviate from you

after all we've been through

I still haven't learned to breathe

I quit tryin' , now I'm tryna leave

because you're suffocating me

Why don't you just shove a plastic bag over my head and wish me dead

Throw me in a ditch and wish I never said w...

A Harlot's Prayer Part II : A Harlot's Story

  I can observe how people live off their own lies

Twist the truth a little so they can discuss the things they dispise

How a woman could sleep with many men and yet again

still have the nerve to say their all just her friends

It's a lie, but it will sell, just as long as she believes it

It's just what she says to everyone, but guarantee that at night she's creepin'

And she looks descent, she doesn't have to sell herself short

But for the love she wants she doesn't recieve, so to give it, what's the point ?

When she looks up in the mirror and stares at her own reflection

The eyes that glare back at her scream for her to change her direction

Pretty skin, nice complexion, her body is a blessing

Those eyes they sparkle, shine so bright, you would never guess that  she's stressin'

Her reputation is a repelent to keep her from getting wifed

SHe feels like no matter wh...

Bleeding

 Living with a scar of disappointment

and lies is the only ointment 

to heal it

Lie to me and tell me everything's gonna be alright

Hold me in your arms tight and tell me you'll be here forever

Say you'll never leave me and we'll always be together

then go about your business and fall into the arms of another 

yes, that's how it always goes

They come, they lust, and then they go home

My pride has even left me alone

It tells me I'm too confused and to figure it out on my own

My true feelings are ready to be shown

but I'm afraid you'll stab me in the heart 

and shatter all I've ever known

Impale me with a knife of hope

Make me vomit the words from out my throat

Dive into an ocean of regret

& try to stay afloat

While I also try to forget

that what you're telling me is lies

I'm seasick,

rockin' ...

This Smile I Wear

This smile I wear
to hide the sorrow
to hide the pain
to hide the fear .
This smile that makes me seem invincible
makes me look happy
When in truth I feel invisible
This smile I wear
to make you feel like it's all okay .
Giving you the advice you need
while I slowly fade away .
This smile I'm wearing
can only last so long ,
after a while it starts to look fake
and you can tell I'm not that strong ,
This smile I wear will fade away
and my emotions will get the best of me
One of these days .

The Puzzle I'll Never Fit

 It seems the world has given up on me

expecting me to act desperately

for their assistance

but my sould is bull**** resistant

There's no way they can have me

questioning my existance

I'm here to be different

And if it just so happens to piss the world off then so be it

I've tried to modify it many times so they can see it 

and start agreein

but I'm seein that I have to be selective of the people in my circle

Make sure they see it from the same perspective

so the end results aren't hurtful

In truth, I really walk alone

not even my shadow beside me 

to assure that I'm still strong

the wind is cold, these nights are long

still tryna figure out exactly where I belong

My soul has officially been rejected

and although that was expected

I'm tired of being neglected

I just want to be accepted.

Contradiction

 I can't bare to keep a lie bottled up inside

Wondering why,

Why do you leave me clueless with explanations undefined?

What is love?

This answer I can not find 

but if love is you, then I should be warned to expect you

I'm not ready to crash and burn 

let me get a hold of the steering wheel before you make a wong turn

and a new lesson has to be learned

Oh how I'm not ready to love, I'm not ready to feel

which explains the reason my heart remains sealed

Because if it were to reveal 

my deepest thoughts would unleash, and you would go in for the kill

play with my heart until I'm yours 

I just can't think of it anymore

Why is it hard to find love's definition?

you want to show me, saying I'm in first place with no competition

I would give you the permission

but this voice in my head tells my heart not to listen

Loner

 i sit in the presence of lonliness

Grasping her shirt 

Begging her "Please don't leave me here alone"

As If I'm not lonely enough.

A Harlot's Prayer

It's sunny outside

but cloudy in my head

Storms in my brain,

different men in my bed

Highly aware of my actions,

but not sure what they're for

yet it somehow makes me feel better

When a different man's at my door.

How is it possible for me to ever love a man

when the true feeling of love has never taken its stand?

I sit and I pray,

but day by day,

This storm in my head turns to a hurricane.

I am but a harlot to these dogs 

and though they think me that way

it's my only way to feel loved

My mixed emotions cause my body to lust

as if my bed wasn't in action 

I'd fade away to dust

These men only want one thing

and that's the only thing I trust

SO what's gonna happen when I don't wanna give it up?

I'll be un-loved and un-touched

It's like there's no way out