2300
Ma
You was in my dreams last night
I’m not gone lie
Shi/ was getting blurry
Wasn’t sure if I was gone be aiight
Shi/ was like a movie
I wake up in disbelief
Most days
Not knowing how to feel
An open wound that won’t heal
Cancer that you can’t see or feel
Ma
Tell me one mo time everything’s gone be aiight
My world changed from the moment I saw you and watched you all night
Ma if you in there
I need you to show me a sign
But don’t overwork yourself
We still have time
Meanwhile the doctor is on the other side of the glass
Speaking to the nurses
As they prepare for you to pass
Family members coming to see you
Through a tube they feed you
Sister braiding your hair
Gospel music playing
All while you stair
In a daze
Ma please don’t say a word
Use your face
Facial expressions
Blink if you can hear me
Grip my hand if your there
Its taking everything in me to fight back tears as we both just stair
At each other
Family members hopeful
Everybody asking me questions
I see their mouths moving
All the while I’m asking God for this 1 blessing
Trying to be sane
In real time
Fuc/
I got a lot on my mind
But the calls keep coming
The thoughts still runnin
Reality just humming
Tests not looking good
Me-
Retake them
Knowing the facts but trying to by time
Nurse idgaf if they don’t want to
Make ‘em
Donors calling my phone
Aunties from outta the state are at your home
Siblings are lying to themselves
But I get it
Everyday that just pass
I’m dreading the doctors call from the last
Cause time wasn’t on our side but time is all we had
As the days drew near
To me
It was clear
I started to see people cry that I never had
Thinking dam it’s getting bad
I noticed everyone would look at me
And apologize
All while looking me in my eyes
I couldn’t crack
I held it together
I was getting shi/ from different angles
All while preparing for your demise
Tears in the back of my eyes
Ma
The shi/ don’t feel real
What’s me without you
I’m questioning that still
I feel lost
Not really caring about much these days
No matter the cost
I hope I made you proud
I pray that you in heaven
I held off as long as I could
I even broke protocol according to the doctors schedule
I didn’t want you to live the rest of your life in pain
According to the test results
You’d never be the same
You never be able to walk
Let along talk
You regaining consciousness was like the odds of winning the lottery
Severe brain damage
After that, it wasn’t a second thought
I was there until the end
By your bed I was near
Knowing my life shortly would never be the same
In those last moments
I’d never forget
The nurse came in and stated
The time is coming
I stood there
Just watching you
Trying not to look
And stay strong for the fam
Dam
I witnessed you take your last breath
My God what a scene
I had nothing left
Ma rest well
Just know that I miss you
Please wait for me in heave with a box of tissue
