I couldn't sleep
he was hammering something on the front porch well past 1 a.m.
watched from the front door
continuing to carefully place strings of lights around the porch
if every move being made was monitored by government officials
she went back into the house
to place items around the living room
and the dining room
as if every move she made was being monitored by representatives from Better Homes and Gardens
later
after finishing my breakfast and heading off to school
I looked back at the house
and noticed
she couldn't sleep
until his footsteps were heard entering the house after working the night shift
he would nap for a few hours
then find his way to his day job
and then attend classes at the university
I saw him briefly
and he smiled at me
bending low to pat the top of my head
never quite making it to father and son night
so I went with her
ignoring the cruel comments from my classmates
she told me that one day I would understand
and I dutifully understood
days
years spent attempting to place my own feet in footprints created before me
occasionally losing my balance
sometimes falling in the snow
sometimes
creating a fresh set of prints in my attempt to retrace his steps
yet
all along my journey
I kept watching him
to try to somehow understand
yet always pausing for a second or two
just to notice