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Hands down the most dramatic change ever needed to make the most profound impact awoke from helping beget the first offspring. An internal paradigm shift reshuffled priorities such that the helpless newborn necessitated immediate attention.
Whatever task held my attention at a given time, the cry of said progeny triggered and quickly trained an obligation to become a first responder of sorts.
Yes, I readily admit that at first blush selflessness grudgingly accepted, but quickly an avid enthusiasm became manifest.
Matter of fact (and much to the surprise to this chap who never served as caretaker for infants, nor young children), an instinctual natural protection arose concomitantly with attention, affection, and adoration as the ensuing years tending (to thine eldest daughter and approximately twenty six plus months later another heiress begat), this role of fatherhood entranced, galvanized, and inspired me toward increased selflessness.
The overpowering raw emotional of first time fatherhood emotional, financial, and spiritual impact shook my entire corporeal being to experience supreme tenderness, which set me to step up affinity to write (poetry seemed a natural modus operandi de jure, which sample seems apropos to share at this juncture.
Though thee empty nest syndrome long since elapsed, I happened upon thee following verse while scrolling along memory lane recording incipient onset of parenthood, when the missus underwent routine planned parenthood in College approximately two score and eight earth orbitz ago late March/early April ninety ninety six.
December 22nd 1996 bundle of edenic joy
Twenty seven years plus ago
faux cap’n Matthew Scott
twittered n burst with ahoy
on account of thine first borne –
unbeknownst to us then if a girl or boy
so an unusual assortment
of gender appropriate names –
(some brazen others coy
others an utter embarassment
verbal remonstration our offspring
especially when older, would deploy)
filled pages of our journals, viz
newly minted parent’s endless employ
though of Semitic ancestry choices
per namesake reflected more ova goy
which genealogy less significant
than precious progeny healthily fused
vis a vis via being masterfully charged
two sets regarding
twenty three pairs of chromosomes
that did miraculously alloy
into a healthy genetically whipped miracle –
crème of the crop
that only imaginary dragons
reigning over a vampire weeknd
with fiery red hot
chili peppered lyrics could drop,
whereby flute tour ring notes
induced crowdsource to hip hop
calisthenics that emulated
swishing brush strokes of a mop
which if attempted by myself,
would witness one culled sic pop
so, he sticks with ranks, viz his literate
ass spur ray shun to confess
those thermostatic and
temperature controlled emotions more or less
extolling occasions that held poignancy,
though as a first time father
my state of managing a newborn
felt chaotic and a sorry mess
though words resonated less
gifted with beautiful daughter,
she most likely happened
to be oblivious asper YES
mine hand felt hogtied,
yet over ensuing years –
the integration characterizing
Rites of (aiding) spring
our suite firebird
did indelibly impress
an invaluable psychic ring,
whereby initial awkward role
no longer on par
to foster teaching child
autonomy for her existence,
(albeit demanding at times –
synonymous with any other
infantile pang), thine essence
acquired an acute attentiveness
to her basic needs and wants
likened and linkedin to pay obeisance
per a special offering,
whose absence and permanent separation
as a responsible grown woman
makes mine heart didst grow fond
(and psyche doth twinge
with nostalgia) asper
those long day's journey
into night, when I could attest
she declared and constituted
daddy's girl, yet mandatory
to let go of this biological offshoot
part of me (within human league
to the babyhood, childhood,
and emerging adulthood
attended, mollycoddled, pampered
she extruded, and had me
wrapped around her little finger
cuz, now perhaps happiness sprung
from within herself
she sought guiding light
as days of our live sped by at lightspeed
now, a mixed bag of emotions wrestle and roil
inside mine corporeal being,
I praised and prized accomplishments
(rarely admonished)
spurred by natural borne desires
for potential Atalanta,
(who loved running until an injury
brought said passion to screeching halt),
nevertheless she became independent
rather than shutter herself up
as exemplified by das papa,
who still writhes, seethes, and orates
many forfeited explorations
of natural self discovery thwarted
renting my psyche asunder
with lightning mailer daemons
still on the prowl
and trawling like bot size internet trolls
within the windmills of my mind
essentially futilely explaining
mein kampf and hard times
impressionable years of emotional,
financial, interpersonal and social toil
repercussions forever unfairly induced
upon the darling lass
pronounced upon this star student,
who suffered sheer agony
when asked – by classmates -
the vocations of me “Herr father
or Frau mother,” neither gainfully employed,
which vicarious taboo
(county assistance still evokes stigma,
particularly for outliers like us
living social along MainLine)
zapped, tortured, inflicted
crisis nearly destroyed yours truly,
cuz of utter embarrassment, misery,
writhing really vociferously
within genetic blend, whose love
not asked for nor sought unequivocally.
