A poem called accountability……

CATEGORY

romance

Alright, imma tell the backstory with full transparency, but after that, we never talk about him again! 

The reality is I held on too tight and for too long to what never served me in the 1st place. I overlooked red flags for temporary satisfaction and betrayed myself in the process. Living in the moment is all fun and games until unhealthy codependencies are developed. I downgraded…because my standards were taking too long to fulfill and I got bored. Then I got angry when he was incapable of matching my devotion, mental intelligence, and ambition. How will one ever respect you when they never respected themselves? How can one love you when they never loved themselves? How will one be loyal to you when they’re not even loyal to themselves? The pessimism, procrastination, and paranoia he brought to the table gave me diarrhea. And each day we grew more and more apart until I no longer recognized who was lying next to me. I never knew him. I grew to love the façade, the potential, the illusion. And just as predicted during my first instincts that were ignored, he raped my heart, then smiled in my face and called it intimacy. I allowed myself to be courted by a child and then became stressed that I had to become a parent. The reality with masks is that they will inevitably be removed at some point. He could only play mature for so long not realizing that true colors shine brighter than the sunglasses he attempted to camouflage with. I adored his smile and it motivated me to do almost anything for him. It was in this moment that God got furious with this level of mind control, and began to remove scales from my eyes, pull skeletons out of the closet, and expose the truth. I can’t even say the next time.. I’ll date my age because I had a 50-year-old that was on the same time as him and delivered the exact same results. You see a young hoe will eventually develop into an old hoe. Character rarely changes. Somewhere down the line, someone failed him consequently, corrupting his soul, and no amount of love from a woman can repair that. I am not God! Nor do I wish to take on his operations. I had to abort this mission and retreat immediately so far away that I was no longer accessible. But that didn’t stop the finesse, the promises, the goals set that he had no intentions of executing when they rolled off his tongue, and I got tired of licking the lies off his lips. But ironically enough, I wasn’t tired of him, looking the juices off of mine. In the end, who used who? Perhaps we use each other. Perhaps we gravitated like magnets through trauma bonding and allowed the devil to convince us that this courtship could ever be successful. I remember when he would put his head on mine and pray for me, the whole time he was preying on me. Playing in my face ain’t never safe. My resentment is turning into hate and because of the dishonesty, we can no longer go back to what we were, nor be cordial in the future. And this is going to be disheartening for the whole dynamic. Love isn’t always reciprocal. Nevertheless, I’ll never wish him ill will, nor grace but manifest that he may have the life he truly deserves and all that comes with that. It’s been a helluva year……Goodbye to the fake love and goodbye to Malik. ….