La La Lonely

Reach to Me

Through a boy, our son, his own person

His lessons we learn from him & circle like Eagles in protection of his soul

Reach to me 

Across the valant seas and windchimes of New Orleans 

Reach to me 

Leave the scar faded but in heart left from our absent fathers 

Reach to me

His head so beautiful his voice so curious, expecting your warmth and embrace

A father tall with three proud kings

I came the last fallen maiden, the youngest to bear you one more son

With my maturity of heart it is me you whisper to 

That loving the children comes easy

Yet you furrow your brow in despair at the gregarious task of appeasing me 

Do not worry my children you say know love 

Why am I the cleaner of home and holder of your pain when you wrap your arms around me your heart beats on another plain

I'll hoover away ...

The Pleasing Maiden and Mother Crone

The maiden, the mother, the lover, the crone

Stages conjoiled as if the blood pattern does not change 

History of satisfied belief of helping their view point relieves mine 

Sit with the mother and ease worries offering lavendar bath and rock salts to ease

Uplift the breast that suckled, pleasured, tempted 

Feel consumed by opinion

Into dust I lie thee down so adjacent doors can close

A wolf cries from interior stomach a wolf cries to the produce of her womb

Shes wild amongst trees and his fist had tried to tame

HIs comments on morning breeze first heard breath

She paints bright colours onto stone

As her hand, dainty becomes almighty

As her love calls her fathers name

This gentle touch will not be so soft

When it falls onto her assailant from intervention pure, real and natural

It becomes her healer, her secret keeper...

Sweet Jesus

Sudden toil the rhythms of the routine, 

The locked up stillness of not having something to plan to look forward to

A plan, a dream that always is dismantled to bring new lesson 

Nothing is ever as we visualise, I laugh at the Law of Attraction

I snort at manifestation 

Each seed brings forth an apple tree when I dreamt of strawberry bush

This is the real teachings not a shiny photo shopped image 

As I am confined to office block and housing block and square box selling to me

I choke like invisible chain is surrounding my being 

I tear inside at generational trauma of 400 years 

Then I press stop. I walk amongst trees, sassy and living, feel the energy gloominess of night, reflection of sun, lunar year beginnng in March

I attend to my gut

Ancestors cover hands of blended skin over my womb area

And I sing 

I ...

La La Lonely

So mek we sit and consider numbers, age the reach of my hips

Let me review a liccle 

La La Lonely - figuring into belief 

Stove has on it some good greens, some spice and my fish will fry

Tasks complete and work is I guess neat

Still I'm up late again seeing my own wrists rubbing holding folding into my rib cage

It is thirteen years since I expected foriegn travel to end in a ring

It was suttin, plastic fake Rolex time clock ticking backwards 

My time has run a mile, a marathon 

So nowadays I don't want to get it wrong

Have the wisdom to know whats good and the fool in me wishing I would

Steam my face with bath water special flannel 

And see me again

My bathroom picture says man and woman 

I flick braids and sigh

Leaning into words cos the debt man took the TV 

Still I'm build...

Masks we wear

I am hidden

Masking my truth behind water I carry in emotion

Wells to my nephew

Womb child missing far away

Near to my spirit

In my beating youthful heart

Working close to the just be

Clothes that I wore, music I listened to

Pretending I didn’t see guns or hear earth on early come sun hidden dusk graves

Light of angel of the north

Flaps metal wings effortlessly

Over the small home where I carried child alone, walking 8 miles to fetch our nourishment

Danced and played Lions with the sofa turned on head

Sung him gently to sleep

Listened as he woke at 4am kicking humming talking wandering the streets of Newcastle in the ghetto of course

Looking for his father, Spirit child

I’m removed

In their eyes

I wish to tattoo my wrist with St Christopher Patron Saint of Travel, my sons namesake and Cool B...

Distance

Far away, black bags lay riddled with your clothes

Brown boxes frame your entry into the future

And here where she used to stay by me hand in mine

She is happy with her life

The figuring out of my own accountability

I am not ashamed or afraid of the gangster time of my life

Did I throw signs and tattos against her restless sleep

Send sirens to the ear lobe?

Was there the disruption of my womb giving life to another

Whose father is street orientated

I sit without glasses poised, eyes not reading so brightly

Yet my soul jumps and I know I am forgiven for what was not mine

Just paralled parked for awhile

Then drove away

does this drive you away now?  My sisters riding forth with righteousness

Leaving memories of laughter

All I can do is work for more but unapologetically

I did me. 

Out of Lewisham Hospital

The doors closed behind me, I was released! 

I exhaled for what felt like the first time in weeks and breathed in again deep

I felt fit compared to the otheres there - I was well, compared

I forgot my misty bath salts and razors so buzzed again

returning scared, scared they would take me in again like an envelope

Fold me up, lay me down on plastic sheets, inject my butt

The food was pasty, same coloured and dull.  the heat drifting from the radiators was stagnant wasn't made of sunshine 

Keys turn, doors lock, windows closed shut 

In case we jump - I muse

Here in the now there is a way out, a way to begin again 

At yet I am starting at nothing 

Suddenly food became my hero

The pressing of darkness lifted in Morleys, Spagetti with bolognase, Amlya, Puff puff and fried rice

Why did I not think twice?

My centre ...

Next Steps

The head rises in the morning, 

Hope hits the brain the cortex pumping with dreams 

Yesterdays nightmare

Blue black ink scrawling across the window pane, the rain 

Dark hours and lifting to light 

Needing the size of happenings to come to me

May I grasp the challenge with clenched fist 

Embrace it all with a twist

Take doubt and shout out the anxiety 

Reach up to be found in happy sobriety 

Let me bond, let me lay my head with sisters, locked, flowing, afro or muse

Mother, carer and poets 

Helping the start again 

The begin again 

The feeling of no shame 

A water running through my womb 

Rivers Nuh Part

Great rivers may nuh part to reveal the separating of water

Slight hand may not feed the masses from one piece of fish

Skies may not cry out the messiah

Still me feel shook

Mek me take to a comfort of blanket & reach round pon the vast playground of life, wonder who tek way we rights?

More than dat suttin not fittin' to sweet

I'ma hush hush and keep peace with my faith

Jesus is his name 

Son of all things 

Cos nutting don't go so from cough a splutter & cold

Suttin don't feek right

I'm just not sold on government to spent ah tek way from we 

All dem taxes and no explanation for tragedy?

Suttin don't feel right

Suttin ain't sweet

Waiting For you - For my Son

You are to me my beginning the reason for me 

To be a better version of me 

You are to me my ceiling where I reach I find caution

You are to me a nightinggale song of heaven flung 

You are to me black sugar and honey sweet

You are to me the sound of coins in purse and notes folded all for you and my legacy my future my grandchildrens father

Your blessed being travelled through me 

Into this wider world

Your intrigue and sweet singing dancing foot

And growing body, mind and soul

Possessing with dominance this future world

You are to me affirmation of black excellence

A whirldwind in arms of your fathers chest

You are to me why each and every pain i endure 

Ends up blessed

SON.