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Many parents, children and families are affected by generational curses.
Single parents, broken homes, absent fathers, absent mothers are all a sign of a generational curse. But how do we stop the generational curse? Breaking the generational curse isn't just from the parent being absent. It's breaking a curse from verbal abuse, physical abuse, disrespect and negativity also plaguing our homes.
The question is not only how do we stop it, but when?
I will begin with MY experience of a generational curse.
My mom's dad wasn't around, I knew of my dad, but he wasn't around for his children, he was too busy being a great stepdad to someone else's child. Luckily for me, I was a baby, so growing up, I didn't have any trauma from my dad's absence. (I guess you can't miss what you never had). In all fairness, I can say, I'm 60 now and since around my mid 40's, he has been a part of my life. We communicate and have a good relationship now.
So yeah, my dad wasn't around and my children's dad wasn't around. As a single parent of 5 children (3 sons and twin daughters), living in the projects in New Orleans, I can look back and say, MY experience had a few bumps, but all in all, the lessons, the friendships, the wisdom, the growth, the struggles, the sacrifices, the spiritual growth, the laughter, the block parties and second lines, the support, unity and the love we had for one another were all truly Amazing. And yes, there were a few financial issues from time to time, because at one point, we were on foodstamps, welfare and WIC, but I thank God we were never hungry or homeless. And because I had children who were very disciplined, obedient and LISTENED, that in itself made it much easier, and also, there were huge age gaps between them. But if I said, "stay inside and don't open that door, they stayed inside and didn't open that door. Plus, I had everything to keep them occupied. They had food, cable, Nintendo/ PlayStation, books, toys or whatever games were out, and they had each other, so they didn't need to go by their friend to "play the game."
Now, let's start with my twins dad for example. I never denied him from seeing them. I never talked bad or bashed him. He had a choice and he just chose not to be in their lives, or so that's what I thought. I thought he had a choice, until one day God revealed to me that their dad fulfilled his purpose in my/their life. If his only purpose was to meet me to create them, then job well done. And once I understood that, it made a huge difference in my perspective. I actually would like to thank him because we have two beautiful, amazing daughters (now 26 years old), and I look at it as, they didn't miss out, he did. Some people may disagree, but hey, that's MY story and if that was the way MY story was supposed to be written, then it worked out perfectly.
With that being said, on to my son. He is a great example of how to reverse the curse. His dad was never in his life, but my son made sure to make it his business to always be in his children's lives. He broke the curse by doing the opposite of what his dad did. He is hands on and is the best father any child could want and need.
I must say, one of the many things I taught my children and instilled in them was, whatever you want in life, you work for it. You don't have to rob, steal or kill and I led that by example. I spoke life over them and I taught them the importance of God and the power of prayer. I taught them the importance of education by making sure they went to school everyday. And I am proud to say, all of my children are college graduates, independent, working and has been on their own since they left high school. And no, I don't want no cookies or a pat on the back, I'm just saying that because to keep my children from drugs and crime and violence, that was a huge responsibility as a single mom raising sons and daughters and especially coming from the hood, the ghetto, the projects, but not allowing the "hood" to define who my children are.
Now let's talk about other children and their experience. Some children grew up in a household where they were yelled at, beaten, cursed at, and called stupid. They saw abuse and fighting all the time, so that's all they knew. So now as parents, they have kids and they only do to their kids what they know. But you knew how it felt when you were a child being yelled at, hit and cursed at. It was hurtful and it didn't feel good, so why do you think it would be good for you to do that to your child now?
Many children are rebellious because they feel attacked and when they go to school, they are only responding the way they know how from what is being done at home. They are often in defense mode. They are easily angered, quick to fight and be disrespectful. Why? Because they see fighting and disrespect at home and that's what they are used to. That's the only way they are shown or know how to handle conflict.
How can you speak to your child and tell them they will never amount to nothing and then wonder why they don't amount to nothing?
As a parent, YOU are the first impact in your child's life. Your words are powerful, VERY POWERFUL! Learn to speak life over your children and into them. Tell them you love them, you are proud of them (even if you were never told that). Hug your child (when was the last time you hugged them?), comfort them, tell them they are Smart, Beautiful and Awesome.
Use your words to build them up, not tear them down. And that's just not towards your children, that's towards you as well. Build yourself up. Tell yourself you are Beautiful and Amazing, that's towards family, friends, co-workers or any people you meet. Find something good, positive, encouraging and uplifting to say. Begin to pray over your children, over your family, over your household, over your life.
Pray to God for peace, protection, favor, wisdom, strength, prosperity, great health and more.
To reverse the curse, be involved, be a great role model (even if your parents wasn't, be better than them). Change your mindset. To be the Positive influence in your child's life, it will require you to be a loving, patient, understanding and listening parent. Be supportive of them and their feelings and by doing so, you create a safe space and a level of trust. Having trust and positive communication sets the foundation for a loving, healthy relationship between you and your child. They will want to strive for greatness, they will want to succeed and they will want to make you proud.
To reverse the curse, the parents must understand that when children are born, they are innocent, they don't know better. But now that you know better, do better. We can save our generation from having to go through and experience what we went through. Your children, they need you, the both of you. They need your love, support, guidance, wisdom, encouragement and your positive impact.
To reverse the curse, the change starts with you. You want change, be the change. Forgiveness is definitely needed. Relationships can be mended. Lead by example. You begin to set the standard and foundation for what you want your household to look like. Once you begin to change positively with your words and actions, they will see the change in you and embrace that change. And you then in return will begin to see a positive change in them as well.
Each day we awake, God gives us another day to get it right, let today be that day.
