Suicide Note

Suicide Note

This vibe reminds me of "You"

Like a movie - rerun in my head 

Just to be next to you.

Like a chicken with no head, 

I’d still run to you.

Gender part less

I’d play whitney - regardless

bodyguard-less

I’d run to you.

But would you stay? 

Would my wounds from YOUR tongue make you run away?

It’s not your fault BUT

Would you blame me 

if I asked you to stay? 

Convoluted visions of love I share with you.

Although you never asked me to

Looking in your eyes is too much 

I turn my back to you 

just to ask of you 

To love me…

The reminders of how much I don’t need you 

Doesn’t give much relief to the weight of my plea…

But ...

I'm waiting for you...

I know your out there waiting for me.

I'm here waiting for you.

I can only imagine the way that you'll make my heart beat.

The butterflies will scatter within me.

When you touch me.

(Exhale)

I know your out there waiting for me.

I know sometimes you feel lonely.

I know you fed up with the fakes and phonies.

Breathe.

Its almost over.

I'm waiting for you.

Staring through my window pane.

As far as my eyes can see.

My heart says you're out there.

Staring back at me.

Right now i can only wipe your tears of joy mentally.

You continue to motivate me spiritually.

The affect you have on my mind doesn't make sense to me.

Your not here physically.

But.

(Exhale)

I know your out there waiting for me.

I'm wai...

And then there was you part II

And then there was you...

Feeling the sting from my hair lashing my face from the strong gust of wind blowing behind me.

Saying it was easy for me to be at this point takes away the scars attained on my way.

Appearing in the distance, a funnel developing in the sky.

As the rain begin to strike my face, I'm engulf with a determined determination knowing, this storm shall meet my footprints as well.

With each stride, each muscle inside me strains giving there all to push me to my destiny.

Transforming from rain drops to loud pops because the hail wants to be heard.

The pain is so unbearably, bearable, with each strike that lands home.

My determination will not be doused because of this moment of temporary suffering.

I'll keep stepping, I'll keep striving, and the pain is a remind...

In the closet with him, while loving her.

So many people, so much noise.

Somehow, someway, I can still feel him lord.

Thinking that the music of life will blow out how I feel.

Laying down with the enemy, him not knowing what’s real.

Having an option to have a wife, but she had no chill.

So many people, so much noise.

Somehow, someway, I can still hear you lord.

Saying “yes” to all my prayers was very unexpected.

Saying yes to all my prayers at once, now someone’s heart will be neglected.

Ashamed to say that this battle is on going,

Afraid that she’s see my secret showing.

As much as I want to tell her who I really am…

I’m afraid she’ll think I’m less of a man.

This is being written with the pen of my heart,

This notepad...