ts735bSTUDENT10 | Poetry Vibe
ts735bSTUDENT10
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I lacked emotions where others concerned.

CATEGORY

life

Views: 75

Back approximately half my life ago
dissociative disorder
if qualified to self diagnose
mein kampf psychological state...

I lacked emotions where others concerned.

That refrain replayed itself,

when wife picked up
(like a broken record),
where parents left off
before they entered
another dimension

(maybe the fifth)
of space and time
(hosted courtesy Rod Serling),

where yours truly (me)
repeated until blue in the face
don't hock my chinik

to the missus lest
a potential crime scene
draws The Mod Squad.
 

Though she ceased reiterating

magnum opus of colorful epithets

towards me, daunting effort

well nigh impossible to ignore

daily USDA over dosage

stinging derogatory, heavily re: tar did
psyche stunted, wrathful

verbal artillery fire remains with me
to this moment in tandem,

and keep lock step company with malicious
noxious obloquy pilloried,

quotidian rate sundering unsung

vitality within zealous

aspiring bookish chap.

 

Daily eruptions
from glowering Hercules

inundated, jack-knifed, linkedin
fin de sic cull nursing offal

personal quaking resentment stewing
toxic watershed unleashed veritable,

red hot wrath, undermining vivacity
within yawping seething, tormenting

uber vitality wreaking
yours truly x screw she hating,

killing motives of papa querulously,
rabidly scathing, terrorizing

 

sole son, who for better
part of marriage underwent

lighter version of invectives
cutting me down to size,

asper zero self worth, though
calmer days prevailed between

 huzz-band and spouse, yet nonetheless
indelible imprimatur undeniably

etched overtop palimpsest
raw hide of self esteem.

 

Twas quite recently,

this heir indubitably coaxed sea legs,
more so regarding self acceptance

felt emboldened,
empowered, and emancipated
from invisible shackles
bounding (akin to Gulliver)
a dire straightened situation.

 

Thru auspices of divine help
(then Lower Merion counseling offices)

professional psychiatrists
psychologists quelled

retaliatory spiteful treatment
upon banshee hushed heads

(high school peers,
parents and fiendish ghoul-
lash humans) intently joyously kindled,

lamentable mean name calling
(though sticks and stones

ne’er hurled venality broke
lovely bones), the sheer redundancy

to remain passive
internalizing verbal cut throat,

villainous wicked yik yaks zapped
ambition to fight back,
and desire to live.

 

Characteristics against cross purposes
predated onset of bullies took delight

feigning Brutus Maccabeus
lashing at diminutive, harried,

and introverted Capricorn
incessantly lambasted, ostracized,

and repulsed from LivingSocial
hermetically sealing within bubble wrap,
could not thwart nor deflect

piercing poison tipped daggers
puncturing outermost covalent shell,

reminiscent pock marks from yesterday.


Though cessation of banal, devilish frothing
at mouth nastiness no longer prevails,

an inordinate number
of bumped ugly chronologically

bereft experiences, detached, estranged,
fostered knee-jerk reactions

against socialization, brought

to light this moment
pregnant revelation no need

to discern what cauterized alienation.


Seeds of white lily
begot ordinary individual

(now middle aged male
lxv passages around black hole sun)

accepts schizoid personality disorder

born free and clear
within utero bolstered

by external forces

finds me aware essential core being
alive absent til death do me part.

 

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