Joyless

Time lasp

It's like waking up to a moment of clarity all the questions you had had been answered. There is no void no loneliness this is the first time in a long time you began to ask yourself what is you want? Not just people 

not just from life but what do you want from god? When was the last time you had a conversation with him? When's the last time you Diverge your secrets your pride your love to him? When was the last time you asked for his forgiveness & meant it?

Kuma signing in

As of late I've been finding myself not wanting to be bothered by anybody i can't speak on my counterpart but I enjoy the days of silence I have so

much to learn so much to absorb if I'm being honest with you my concerns are placed else where for instance for the last week or

so my body has been on auto pilot let me explain whenever my "other" decides that he's too stressed out or needs a break from all the bs going

on around him he retreates to his mind head which is kinda cool in a way because we get to converse face to face and it always hilarious 

As he's telling me what's going on vs actually seeing through his prospective I've taken control a few times and ive come to the 

Conclusion that life in itself is an experience that I myself don't care for I much rather stay in the passenger seat of things I don't know how he does it 

I’m zenkixkuma

I've been living through your eyes for the last seven years, you've let me ride passenger ever since that punk a** n***a gizmo up & vanished without so much as a word in that time frame I've seen you lose the people you held deer I've seen the heartbreak & distraction left in their 

wake shattered thoughts were scattered everywhere clouds darker than the abyss began to form yet the warmth of the sun still surrounded you I watched as you got back on your feet & went straight BEAST MODE! I'm talking thousands of push-ups & thousands of sit-ups you were on your 

ish and mannnn was I excited for you cheering for you those dark clouds of abyss scattered thoughts and memories started to vanish but not soon after they vanished the returned with a vengeance in a blank of an eye we lost our mother and it broke you to your core not long 

after that you lost your both of your best friends your home your family ...

Galaxy x

How many blunts have I smoked?, I wonder just how many thinking back to my first blunt is when it all went down hill I never had to chase the high as far as I was concerned I was getting free smoke from everybody & everybody was glad to see my eyes glimmer & my eye lids slightly closed.

The aroma would always take me to a place I didn't know existed twisted my abnormal thoughts into something soothing & comforting a place where you're always all to move at you own pace I stay facing blunts I'm a pro but that ain't nothing to brag about especially when it's 

the only thing I know I never got high off the substance but rather I got high from what the substance took away in the moment. This place that's called a subconscious is filled so much turmoil, pain, sadness,

And disappointments fallen like an angel from the heavens, fallen low is an understatement I've fallen under the pavement 

Discovered breeze failed state

Just trying to obtain some clarity in this moment of meditation 

disruptions fill the area when I lay my eyes on a seventy three old

lady enjoying life to simply paused to say hi she offered me a fresh 

tomato & some worried thoughts she had to get blood drawn concerned 

that she might had a STD (you read that right) my eyes widen my head

erupted with so many questions and before I could ask she gave a gentle 

chuckle smiled & said she just doesn't feel like getting poked with 

needles today and she doesn't feel like getting blood drawn told me to

have a nice day and simply walked away 

Decision decisions

Dim the lights better yet turn them off 

put me in my zone put me in my wrongs 

and even when my rights are around the corner 

take this left. I'm at my best when I don't follow the steps

laid before me the wrong path is always the right

path and the right path has always been the wrong 

path is what I've been convinced of as of late 

No little devil or baby angels on my shoulders 

Street lights

I watched as the flowers turn black

A calm night with a gentle breeze silence 

in the air about as quiet as the thoughts in 

my head nothing but stillness everywhere

that I find myself what all could it really mean

I find myself suffocating more & more as the 

years go by that once bright light is now dim 

Purgatory

A question was pose to me, why do I linger in so much he asked? 
 

it's comforting I replied. He said okay. and left it at that. To put it simply I lied. there's nothing comforting about this kind of darkness I linger in. 

the truth is colder & darker than any kind of darkness I sit in. I wouldn't even know where to being what if I was to ever really to the the truth about it 

Mirror self - self mirror

Sometimes I wonder if I disappointed my younger self would he be in shock if he could catch a glimpse of how I currently live my life would he
be upset ?
Would he be furious?

How would he act? I don't like to dwell

on the past but would he understand why I couldn't keep one promise that I've made

or would he be infuriated by my lack of dedication? would he be enraged that I've change drastically?

just how much of my life could he watch before saying that's not me I don't know that man I don't know his ambitions 

Catch

Let me tell you something, my distain for people grows more bitter by the second I can't wait until people catch on that I don't want to be bother this situation is getting critical & everyday I have to keep my emotions in

check everyday I have to kiss someone'sand quite frankly I'm tired of if no matter what I do in the eyes of the people or from hero to villain faster than the blink of an eye so you know what I'm done they want a 

Villain I'll give them the best damn villain that world has never seen they want a bad guy then I'll give them one pretty soon imma put this blunt down for good I'm tired of bing high all the goddamn time most of 

The time I actually enjoy not coughing out my lungs but these people be the reason I smoke so damn much