2300
The hardest thing in life
Is to live without the life
That you helped make
Wait
Let me take it back
Back so I can paint the picture
The passion I have to be a father
A glimpse of my vision
Looking at myself in the mirror
Like, Who am I?
Cause my mom was all I had
So I didn't know my dad
All women raised me
So that's all I knew
We grew up in the hood
So I grew
Faster than most
I hung out wit my nig*as
-joined a gang
We was on the same page
So I figured
Fuc/ Bitc***es
As many as I could
At 15 definitely learning faster than I should
Spalding was my father
The ball taught me life
Since there wasn't a positive male figure there
I stayed at the free throw line all night
I was only a shorty
I was still afraid of heights
I had anger from not having a father who cared
So my mom's held me tight
My heart weighted heavy as the Titanic
And inside I was slowly sinking
Thinking
When I have a son
I'd DIE
If I became like my father
Imma TRY
My best
To bullet proof my chest and my heart
To prevent becoming anything
Like the man who wanted no part
Of me
My son gone live life for free
I can't wait
Till I get a chance
To raise my lil man's
Fast forward till I get a lil older
I found myself leaning on my son mother shoulder
Without a thought in my mind
That I'd make decisions
That would make me want to rewind time
My dream finally came true
But my vision drifted into the sea
So far out of reach
Thinking I know the cycle is not continuing with me
I know I said
I'd die before I became like him
But they cheated
Somewhere down the line they raised the rim
So when the sun goes down
I'm gone down with it
Leaking tears that I held back from previous years
From faking when I smile in people faces
Telling them I'm okay
I never ever felt this kind of pain
My son is my heart
He runs through my veins
No matter how strong I am
You'd never know
That when I take a shower
I'm on the bathroom floor
Hurting
Couldn't tell the difference
Between my tears or the shower water squirting
Wondering, What have I done to deserve this?
Waking up feeling so sick
Feeling like I couldn't live without my son
Me wanting to quit
Staying so busy that I had no time for myself
While dying slowly inside
Praying to God for help
Drifting off into a daze
Wondering is this what I have to do: WAIT?
Well in that case OK
I'll get my things together and sit by the door
Watch sports center until my eyes get sore
I know at some point he's s coming, so I'll be sitting here even if it takes
FOREVER
Even if I began to age
Towards the door my eyes will stay
No amount of money
Will cause me to turn my face
But I heard a sound
He said, daddy
So I turned around
Nothing
I was hearing things
I was up for so long
My reality became a dream
Beep, Beep, Beep
The machine was helping me breath
I hope God heard my prayers
I hope God saw my pain
My time was running out
And my son never came............
