Battle with myself

Battle with myself

There are no words to connect 

The patterns of loss

My heart pumps for relief

Too bad it forgot

The way I feel now

I might as well rot

Your determined plot

To brush me aside

I did what I could

My love robbing me blind

Every time I go to write

My hands shake

I would never do what you did

Then brush it off like a mistake 

Every word I spoke came from realness

I refuse to be fake

If I had a chance to take it back

I would 

Despite this current despair

Your questionable affairs

Wish you didn’t mean so much

It’s better if I play it off

Tired of letting you hold me down

My redemption comes straight 

From the ground

Didn’t say a word when you misbehaved

Thought you were special

That mu...

Fire on fire

It was a rollercoaster

Waking up daily alone

Laying my body next to myself

With only bones to console

Having conversations with myself

Trying to convince this stranger

That I can call anywhere home

This depression is a test of faith

Now that I’m left to roam

You forced my hand 

But my wings still grow

It’s become apparent 

I need rescuing 

Don’t approach me

Unless it’s with spiritual healing

I’m finished willing and dealing 

With a narcissist

The one who poured the flame from his gas light

Said it could get us through the tough times

Fast track to my current state

I see the reflection in the mirror 

Yet I can hardly relate

I loved you beyond c...

Puppy Love

When our eyes first locked

We turned away

Flushed with nervous tension

Yet there was an ease

With you

I never felt before

You had a charm

So captivating

So sweet

Your kindness mesmerized me

Like children, we were scared

But you know sparks were felt

Who knew we’d turn out like this

So imperfect

Yet perfectly fit

From days of loneliness

We walked the streets

Though it didn’t matter

Because I had you

And you had me

I remember all the people doubting 

A love so quick

Little notes

Inside jokes

And name of future children

That was what we were feeling

At the time

We didn’t need anybody else

To tell us how to live our lives

How ...

Love at first sight

After plenty of searching 

With vision blurred of proper focus

There she was

In a view 

I recognized from so long ago

How would I make an approach

I’ve seen a smile before

But never like this

Her inner beauty seemed 

To radiate off her face

As I moved closer 

My knees grew weak

That day she wore

Jeans

Which complimented 

Her figure 

Perfectly

I licked my lips 

With the ability to grip

My own sense 

Could I be dreaming?

I couldn’t be sure I was

Seeing 

This Goddess.

Dressed so subtle.

Her posture professional

Feminine fingers 

Revealed

Each time she pulled her hair

Behind her ears

Each time those eyes

Scanned the scenery

They seemed to wink

She sparkled-...

Fantasy

If never confronted

There would be less wanting

Less insistence

There is no resistance 

Within one’s plan

Never easy to let go

Just friends 

Just friends

Trying to bend both ways with the wind

Nobody wins

So a cold breath

Outlets 

The only anxiety building up

In the head

Restless and unforgiving for 

S***

Can’t stop turning

Roaming further from reality

Given technicalities

Motives pure in interactions

An embedded satisfaction

F*** this reaction

To fantasy

What tricks

Do play 

The games 

Slaved 

Wonders

Beyond this rolling thunder

Enlightened with em...

No girl for me

I use to claim there was no girl for me
Determined to remain the queen
Of infidelity
Always bound to cheat
My wandering eyes 
Began to bleed
 There she stood
Her loyalty radiating off her
From friends to lovers 
 Simple hugs to passionate love

At first,
Trying to find a flaw
My natural reaction to run
One year doesn’t seem very long

This companionship growing
Everyday our love overflowing 
This is what it’s like to be happy in love

She makes loving her so simple
I’ve put away my pistol
Let down my guards
Opened my arms
Opened my heart

Sensual sex
Kept sacred
The beauty of her spirit
Glows when she’s naked

Her body fully satisfied with my touch
I know she can’t get enough

The first coupl...

Looking Back-

How many times did we argue over 'nothing'
We'd play the blame game at a constant rate
just to keep each other at arms length.
Now that were not together, I've realized just how much you've changed.
But how could negative words be exchanged in the form of rage
even from a far?
I can't lie, I miss those moments we shared.
A love that lasted but three years.

I can't be okay with the way you chose to play your emotions.
There can be no forgiveness given.
I have to remember, we had our 'reasons' to say goodbye.

Our paths cross nearly day to day.
Always some reminder to why we never stayed.

You wonder how I can misbehave so cruelly.
Walk around, so boldly, pretending you don't exist.
 Take these words of honesty and add them to your list.

Now I see how history
repeats itself naturally.
You will continue to make the same...

Poetry Slam

Consideration
is voluntarily taken
For reasons of love
I've been shaken down to my core
A complex soul with multiple 
jammed-tight doors

What am I trying for?

Perspective inherits my thoughts
pumping my body full of led-
I am the automatic shot

Fury runs bliss through my arteries
anger then enhances that lifeline
With you is where I want to be
Instead you toss me aside

Repeatedly lie as you show face-
A courageous stage that you've placed
Upright 
and engaged

This is me as I misbehave
Take my rude traits
Call me every name
Mock me-

Then turn around and try to replenish
I'm...