3700
at Spring Valley Y.M.C.A. today June 25, 2024
My bad leaving passenger
front window wide opened
of our white 2020 Hyundai Elantra,
whereby any Tom, , or Harry
could easily have been perpetrator
and vanished without a trace
leaving a debacle in their wake
regarding filched, lifted,
plucked, et cetera up
the pocketbook or wallet
belonging to the missus.
I wanna acknowledge gratitude
toward that omniscient invisible entity
staving off any brazen soul
with enough chutzpah and moxie
to reach thru empty space
(perhaps setting off car alarm)
to snatch precious commodity.
A lesson learned in time
subsequently I craft
the following rhyme
without reason from
the ridonculous to the sublime
entertaining the anonymous
reader rabbit my motive prime
potential theft of personal property
belonging to the missus
mine former oblivious state sullied
with figurative dust and grime,
and I silently chastised myself
mentally calculating the fall out
but nevertheless blithely
shrugging off blessedness
subsequently becoming empowered
courtesy with braggadocio,
becoming a care free gambling man,
and banking on intervention
of heavenly messenger
counting lady luck to be resident
snug in my back pocket
at my beck and call
and if she unavailable well...
to ward off crooks and quade
teasing the whimsical notion
to waive safety measures
liberally dispensing access to mine riches
as beneficent nouveau riche
by deliberately courting theft,
bowing down in obeisance
to quate, test, worship
at the altar sans the divine powers
feeling indomitable freedom to smile
at the imaginary camera
against any malefactor to purloin
and say cheese
provolone to live forever,
hence check off being beholden to mortality,
thus exempt making a bucket list,
which loose translation
means I cheat death,
thwart or prevent being visited
courtesy egregious misdeeds
leaving billfold in plain sight
knowing no one
would dare swipe valuable money bag,
no matter nary one red cent
could be found on mine purse.
Call me MAD as a hatter,
but aside from being insouciant
with what me worry
Alfred E. Neuman attitude
I may as well put up a sign,
when keeping automobile parked
and windows rolled down
spelling out “Please help yourself”
to any valuables,
which potential loss of personal effects
can be consigned as a charity donation
and my voluntary
contribution to C.R.I.M.E.
an acronym spelling:
Completely
Ransack
Ipso facto
Made
Easy
subsequently invariably forcing me
to sacrifice myself as a punching bag,
whereby I get beaten sadistically
about the head and neck
courtesy some incredibly hulking giant,
(think Woody Allen)
then after being hammered to a bloody pulp
bequeathing these love bones
to one Doctor Victor Frankenstein,
who can still do wonders
with mine functional brain.
