Torn

my love for her

Cant explain how much i cherish her love

she is my hero even when she feels like she has done nothing heroic

such a strong woman, even if she feels so weak

everything she has done inspires me to e the best that i can be

she tries to explain to her children that life isnt easy, the world will step all over you and swallow you whole

she wants them to do something with there lives, and not through it away like she ha once done

she has struggled so much and wanted to raise her kids to be well educated so they did not have to rely on anyone

she is my hero because she shares her struggles to educate us

she feels like she does not have much to offer her kids. but she is so wrong

her struggle she shares inspires me to reach my peek

she is so much smarter than she thinks, because my mother has educated me.

lost girl

This is not me what have i become, i look into the mirror but its so foggy and dim, i look around for answers but i lose the thoughts of finding myself, so i am helplessly running in circles screaming my name loudly, but she does not respond, she is lost so deeply in the person she has become, digging deep into the soul of a girl that has lost herself, to find herself she has done so much wrong, she sits patiently by the phone, waiting for herself to call, the moment she has waited for has came, a voice tells her to pick up the phone on the other and its herslf screaming her own name, she yells wake up!!. this is not the person you worked so hard to be, the person your family would love to see, open your eyes and step out that dark corner, i would guide you to were i am, but promise me you will listen to my voice and my voice only, for the voices you have been listening to has been pulling you down slowly, to the path of destruction, depression, and deep hatred  for yourself...

memories

I am trapped in this box with no way out, i am scratching the side and trying to break free, eyes are opened so wide as if they are going to explode from my head, my heart begins to race as i panic in fear, am i going to die i ask myself over and over again, so lonely knowones here, i feel around and try to calm my breathing, i find a light and turned it on and what was there truley shocked me, i was trapped in this box of all my bad memories, memories of a young child feeling neglected, memories of my dad leaving and me feeling so alone, memories of being called everything but my name, crying out not knowing why, i guess these are the memories i keep hidden inside, i cry out for help but no one hears, like no matter how much i scream no ones there, my voice slowly silences, as my vision surely fades, my body goes so week feeling like this one my last day, just when i begin to drift away a shine of light comes in, someone reaches for me and grabs me by the hand, lifted ...

false love

Love the way you say you love me, and I just may be the one,
Children you want between you and I, couldn’t wait till the time to come
But I should of known that what you said wasn’t just for me
I guess the new thing to day is to say I love you without and feelings,
Emotions don’t matter
And hearts are meant to be broken
I guess I am old school, because my love is filled with passion
And the intensions to go far
But all you want to do, is break my already broken heart.
 

Life

I don’t like the life I’m living
Smoking and drinking no longer thinking
Joining gangs for I can feel I’m needed
Parents spilt up so I started cutting
Scares on my arm I hate to see
I don’t know what’s come over me
Having nightmares can’t go to sleep
All I want is to have some peace
Failing life miserably
Don’t know what I want to be
Getting locked up is where I’m headed
Know more freedom is what is planted
In my head so I started believing
So tell me how my life sounds
My head feels like its spinning round and round
In the field my bodies found
Over dosed on crystal meth
Now I have nothing to live for, because nothings left
Living this life will lead to death
So leave me alone so I can finally rest

Torn

Go back to the age of 15
A sad girl depressed with suicidal thoughts
Lost in the world,
Lost in her own thoughts
She never talks about it she just keeps in built inside
Why can’t anyone see the hurt in her eye’s
She comes to the conclusion that know one cares, know one loves here, know ones there
She self-medicates herself trying to escape her thought
Drugs and alcohol she would not stop
Cutting her risk for every deep thought
Got to the point when it just wasn’t enough
Goes to the kitchen
Grabs for the forks
Place it to the flame
Thinks of every thought she is trying to escape
Puts the fork to her arm as tears run down her face
Wondering how one person can get to such a lonely dark place
Crying out so silently she’s torn
One day her mom looks at her arms
She see the scars and wonder what for?
She yells out why did...