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1
The inside of my chest stretched
With each beat of my heart
I encouraged my wondering eyes to rest
My body felt warm
It was the shock
I left my safety net
Said goodbye to suicidal escapades
Revealed the weakness I had accomplished
From all those lonely days
The window fogged the impression of clouds
The area was gray
Silence split the sound
I argued with myself
Should I stay or should I leave?
It was too late for questioning
Friend and I pulled gracefully
In front of that institute
Its structure mimicking the creation of
Cathedral halls
I wondered if I screamed
Would it echo off the walls?
Of course
It wasn't until I met my vision
With the pale skin doctor
Clothed in white
That I realized my attempt
To overcome my demons
Would fail in the face
Of reconstructed angels
An immediate action
Arose my satisfaction
I envisioned a noose
Hanging loosely from the roof of this
7 story building
Daydreams and nightmares
Replaying on see through
Ceilings
I still remember that overwhelming
Sense of feeling
Each night I rest my head
On a semi comfortable bed
My heart supported only by led
The only power I possessed
Was the emotion of words
I wrote down with my pen
Age was non existent
All of us so reluctant
To be trapped inside this institute
No windows to paint me
Scenery
Just talk of suicidal fantasies
In that way we were all alike
Time lacked purpose
This was a limited world
Based only on one focus
After a while
Or at least it seemed
That strangers began to greet
The frowns were erased
Everyone walked around
With a grin on their face that day
What could one attempt to make
With needles?
New tattoos,
The old fashioned way
Where one could inject themselves
Mercifully
Aching to feel pain
Screaming to bleed
Fiends of dangerous remedies
Discussion grew into a cascade of silence
Each time another person
Was brought up
Guilty of violence
My hunger for stories would plateau
As did my eagerness to let go
One phone call each evening
Was not enough
No visitors at lunch
*** YOU
I screamed at my peers
Suddenly I became a hazard to myself
White padded rooms
Justified the emptiness in my soul
I was ready to overthrow
That institute.
because
THAT'S WHAT CRAZY PEOPLE DO!
-Dez Chavez
