At war with myself, its ironic cuz i'd rather be at war with anyone else but me, because my opponent knows my every move, an ally turned advesary, who's capable of leaving me doomed, taking advantage of every weekness that i posses, knowing every secret that i never confessed, he feeds off of my regrets complicated by my addiction to flesh, Im smoking and drinking again, no longer at my best, just my worse, wishing I could put that side of me in the dirt, so many demons to conquer, dont know if i can take it much longer, too exhausted to even cry from this battle within, it probably would be easier for me to let the good in me die, and embrace that bad side thats trys so desperately to survive, there he go again playing tricks with my mind, but i refuse to just lay down and die, I'll fight and try and until theres no more left, forever at war with myself....
Just_zeek
 8500
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At War with Myself pt. 1
CATEGORY
life
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COMMENTS
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The Immortal Wize says: Our biggest and most deadly enemy has always been self, you painted that picture very poetically. I really enjoyed this poem. Keep on Flowin! can't wait for pt. 2 |
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just_zeek says: Thanks |
OTHER POEMS WRITTEN BY Just_zeek
Just my thoughtshonestly I dream a lot but I never get to sleep, learned to let go of the pain but the scars I had to keep, I take a hit of strong reefer just to keep me on my feet, wash it down with dark liquor when I start to feel weak, self medicated I find myself meditating, about all the bad decisions that I made last week, for four long years she been chained to her grief, I'll make myself a prisoner if that would set her free, cause we all been hurt by those that we trust, gotta decide if it's love or lust before we self destruct, it's hard cause I fall in love every time we touch, but my attitude like I don't really give a fck, don't blame me still bleeding from my past, I'm happy sometimes but it really don't last, it's a concept that u probably couldn't grasp, but I made through a lot things you probably wouldn't have  |
SecretsI'll answer the phone, if u need somebody to call, if u feel alone, I don't feel it's wrong, no harm never came from answering a phone, but don't call after 9 cause my girl will be home, and I don't lock my phone, keep my number saved under your best friends name, your man won't suspect a thing, call me when u need a change, when you need to get away, I'll never disrespect a man's home so I won't come to where u stay, my place will do just fine, it'll be passionate but quick cause we're both pressed for time, don't be nervous or in denial, I can tell by your eyes you been wanting it for a while, wanting someone to make you smile, scream, have wet dreams, lying with him but thinking about me, Lying to him just so you can be free.... |
My PenMy pen doesn't judge nor does it love, friends come and go but my pen doesn't budge, it knows what's on my mind, can repeat my thoughts verbatim, though my pen has no voice, it speaks for me when I can't say much, my pen brings me happiness, without my pen I don't exist, it helps me to reminisce, writing down the things I could never forget, to be real my pen was there when I ain't have sh*t, the tool I use to vent, the only way of making sense, no matter how many times I sit it down I pick it up again, because the pen was meant for me, and I was meant for the pen..... |
LuvLove is what love does, what does love do for you?, does it take a hold of you allowing you to forget the hurt?, or hurt you worse than you were before?, so much power we allow love to possess, maybe because without love we don't exist, just a figment of imagination, a hollow shell, that tripped over love once but never fell, I myself must admit to being burned by the drug they call love, as much as I try to hide the scars from my last fall, but I guess love lost is better than never loving at all, and to feel love even for a moment is worth the pain of the it all..... |
AnxietyWriting a couple times a day keeps the anxiety away, woke up with hardly any anxiety today, I would probably just smoke and drink If I could have it my way, I'm a part of what's wrong with society today, anyway I know better plus I got dreams to catch, I know change is coming I just aint seen it yet, I pray the Lord guards my heart and keep all things in check, but im a sucker for thick thighs and tempted by flesh, my Father told me slow down these women a "love you to death", my girl say I should focus more on loving myself, but I got too many vices, tell it all in my writings, too afraid to have a son cause he might be just like me..... |
Action or ExtinctionHow much would a black life cost if it could be bought??, Its almost like their trying to kill us all, and then we turn around and kill ourselves aint that off??, pardon me if you beg to differ, you may feel as if killing your own kind makes you a real , scared to clinch your fists so you rather pull the trigger, so when they kill us you loot and scream in the streets sayin F the police!!, but you plainly see your brother kills your brother and you act as if you can't even speak, God forbid they found out that you told, but you wont break the code, would you still feel the same if your mother was going in a hole, six feet deep, slayed by the strays that missed their target the other day, but managed to find her place, its a shame, bullets don't have a name but they know your Lil sister face, but Lord forbid, its safe to say we getting murdered on both ends, they say words can't change a thing, but if you allow the right message into your brain, that action provokes action, and acti... |
What's on your mind? What's on your mind?, something you're desperately trying to hide, something you never thought I'd find out, the reason you really say you need a time out, has another man taken your hand, or worse taken the love that I thought belong to me, what's on your mind?, you seem nervous, avoiding me on purpose, lately it seems we're so out of sync, is it because of the guilt you're feeling?, is there something you need to tell me? Whats on your mind?, if its secrets you're trying so hard to conceal, I hope you're aware that your conscious can kill, what's on your mind? or should I say in your dreams, last night in your sleep I couldn't help but hear you speak a name that didn't belong to me, what's on your mind... |
Drunken Poetry I take a sip just to clear my mind, I desperately don't want to think about certain things, like how I struggle to keep my sleight clean, dirty hands broken dreams, it seems almost impossible to look past these obstacles, drinking until these illusions become optical,seeing things that are not really there, you know like doubt and fear, i know it's a shame, how I try to drink away the pain, I know that may seem strange, but at times it's the only way I can maintain, and what's even more insane is that it never really changes a thang, just a temporary fix, serenity for the moment, waking up with more problems like hangovers and vomit, still suffering from a binge, my girl pretends it never happened, I pretend it'll n... |
Random Reflections (p.3) I'm still here, are you surprised to see me?, if I went back and told my old self i'd never believe me, its kind of funny how i rose when they said id never bloom, far from rich but my mind's worth a pharaoh's tomb, never was a fool but b.s.'d my way through school , got to college and thought reefer would help make me cool, gained some friends, lost my balance, almost lost my mind, my girl even left I think we just got lost in time, bad habits had me stuck til I got lost in rhymes, words help me set free all of the pain inside, painting pictures with each line depending on how I feel, producing a high better than any drug could ever give, I take my pen and focus try to produce the dopest, everyday I'm g... |
It's ok (words for a friend) My goal is to give you hope, regardless of the little that you've lost over the years, over the tears and fears, and all of the things that make you feel u don't belong here, but rest assure you do, I'm no different than you i've been there too, though the day might seem blue, just remember its better than being in the dark, missing that rhythmic beating from your heart, be thankful for that stress filled breath you inhaled , and then exhaled wondering how the hell you've gotten so far with so many odds against you, if only some one could of just warned you of the ill things you shouldn't have gotten yourself into, if only it were that simple, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, if you know wha... |