It feels as if everyone & they mama wants me to go into the military and I feel some type of way about that I put it like this let's say I do mange to get in and pass boot camp id still have to be on a ship com bacc see my baby for a certain mount of time risk my life for this quote unquote country of mines and even if I'm not fighting in war that'll still put time between tashari and to be completely honest with myself I trust her its me that I have no trust or faith in but on the other side if I go to college they're a lot id have to worry about for instance Financial problems where I'm I going to get money to pay for classes the typical answer would be to get a job or save money and hustle but then they're is another problem where would I rest as of right now I'm not homeless but I am gettin they're the reason I speak this way about my situations is the simple fact that I just enter this harsh world or a state of reality maybe it's my lacc of faith whatever it is..it needs to change I need to change behind close doors I am so weak true I hold pain and endures for nobody else to but me and god alone often time thoughts ouccr of me being to dramatic but I .would like to believe that am being as real as the blood flow threw my vains can't you see that am crying out for help long for peace & guidance in my life it can't be shouted out any clearer I NEED YOU