The Meaning
Of my life is now fleeting
For many years
I was self-loathing
Which was self defeating
My pain has me restraining and retreating.
Venomous thoughts are secreting
Consistently
Demons speak to me
In a manner that's demeaning
There was a short time frame
When God blessed my name
My anger was tamed
I was given glory with no shame
Images
That are so expressively vivid
I used to be violently timid
But then again came
Hating my name
Became unanimously livid
I had once again morphed
Of course
Shifted off course
Drifted too north
My brain was magnified
I then self-deified
I learned how not to cry.
I became mechanically enigmatic
Wishing to be a human mind maze with a puzzle
Yet with some dramatics
The view of my future
Became prophetically panoramic.
My pain began
Against the grain I swam
My thoughts would just hang.
They would levitate & linger
Without moving a finger.
I drove myself nearly to the brink of insanity
Spoke such articulated profanity
Belligerence became my daily living
Was no longer forth giving
I thought I was forgiven
But I was slowly being punished
For the life
I had once been living
I angered my Lord
My Christ and my Savior
Because I had stunted my own growth
By misplacing my prayers
Each one would beg God
To help change my thoughts and behavior
This poem is getting too ahead of me
I am seriously losing my identity
Slowly seeking self through such scrutiny
But I can feel my many selves fighting for mutiny
They all want to get OUT of me
Simultaneously
Violently ripping through my heart of discord
They are all in accord
To tear out my heart and vocal cords
I pray to one GOD
But my many selves are determined to be many lords
If like me, you sow into confusion
Then you’ll reap Babylon, along with disillusion
My reasons for writing are now simplistically stated
To try to thwart off the many selves I’ve always debated & hated
And in the process
Show others my slight minimal progress
This high level stress in my chest
Has deterred my ultimate progress
And my body is withering away
Atrophy eating me less
Because of God’s holy armor including HIS vest
Has concealed
What to me was once real!
So I take upon myself
God’s eternal living seal.
His mark of approval
Hoping that as He prepares me for the pit
That there is also a consistent SIN removal
I know when I pass
Many will be happy and laugh
They will proclaim “at lastâ€
“No longer can Eric disturb or err
Then they will all concur
That in my continuous fall
I hit the corners of the wall
Falling, thus I fell like lightening
It’ss making my own presence quite frightening
Spiting
Reciting
Hymns of passages
From ancient writings.
My hateful taunting and likings
Are like a tumultuous Viking during hiking
Up a tower or mountain
Seeking for the eternal fountain!
To drink of before my passing
Because right now all I am asking
Is please Lord
Bless my wife & daughter in the here & now
After
In total darkness I am forever basking!
SkTzO