200
I know its long lol and prob not in a good reading flow order
but iam copying and pasting from my notes in my ph.
Iam writing this as a "Father,Son, brother,friend, husband, son in law and a human being.
Every wordi is true, so I hope you enloy it, but above all I hope you take something from it.... depression is a illness
that can be cured and all it takes is LOVE!!!!. This is aboit my battle with depression, so I called it confessions, was so hard to write aswel. .... :-) :-) :-)
33 years of my life this has taken me learn,
We gotta have fun n get the most out of this life that we're given, Ya cant get about moping around if you do your not livin, Got a family of my own who ***in rock they got me driven,To better myself, not the person iam, but the thoughts that I have about being a man, see the truth is,As a father I THINK that iam failing, i THINK other dads r just smooth sailing, i THINK my wife and 2 kids deserve a ***ing better life, a better dad, a better guy, the big question is why? Well ill tell you all why?.I've never liked myself much, since i was young ive always thought that I suck, I use to call myself a dumb ***, always said "in the end you're not good enough to love, so stop trying and give up" so I did... I ***en sat there and gave up, lacked the strengh that I needed to believe I could raise up, thats when I started drinking heavy n blazed up, back then I was living at dads, pretty much as a stranger, I was never there, didnt care i preferred binging for days off the radar, all that crap didn't help, but it did make me greater at calling myself a sham...and a faker, took me a long ***ing time, but with the help of my family I finnaly realised,....its time to confess to the best that i needed some help with this stress, so to my wife I confessed, it felt so good to get that heavy weight of my chest, its finally out "IAM DEPRESSED" with tears rolling down both ***ing checks, I opened my heart, for the first time in 20 odd years I began to speak, still feel like a freak, i got a long way to go so please listen and belive me, "I WILL GET BETTER" this i promise straight up to my beautiful wife and 2 kids, you guys r the ones who stuck with me, , even when I was ty, or when i wasn't talking at all. To the one I love most, I need to thank you the most, you've given me new hope and desires, but above all of that, you love me back!! you've reignited my fire, its burning deep within me now, everyday getting brighter, you've trained me, turned me back into a fighter, iam feeling strong like a bison, my mind is sharp n ever ready just like a tigers claw, wont be long n my voice will echo so load and sound just like a lons roar, so thank you babe, you are the best, now I gotta say sorry aswell cos I know iam a mess, I've probably put you through hell, you know me so well, I know you can always tell when iam down or not well, but I still keep it in, think iam in to deep, sometimes it feels like I cant swim, going no were, it feels like a uphill strugle in the mud and any minute i might buckle and slip, but never again, iam in the fight of my life, its ***ing hard, I wont sit, I swear on my own life that i will never quit, I AM GOING TO BEAT THE LIVING OUT OF THIS ***ING DEPRESSION, IAM SICK OF FEELING LIKE THIS!! Maaan I have to do it ....not just for my kids or for my beautiful wife, but for me myself and I, need to try n love who I am, then and only then can I be that happy guy, once i conquer my fears these ***en demons will die, no more darkness to fight just my light shining bright, ive refuelled the spark in my eyes, its so ***ing bright I wanna light up the night sky, maybe even get my name in the spot lights, iam so ready to shine, my family's right here by my side, this is it I can feel it iam ***ing happy inside, todays the best ***ing day to start enjoying my life!!!!
