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As I take you through my thoughts be warned that looks can be deceiving check their pulse, some of these bodies are still breathing,
As the pen strokes the page, my life may begin anew or maybe it's true. That these last thoughts that leave the tips of my fingers and proceed to be lined in ink are all I have let to give, before my soul takes haste to fast to chase so I sit holding desperately to my breaths till there's nothing left,
Before I get down to it let's sit bull to the side cause I need you to clear your mind, open your heart as I open mine. In due time you'll get it, why your patience is a must and though the trust might not be there im willing to take this leap confident that I'll land on my feet,
If I should never have another day, then let this be it. The time that I look the man in the mirror and let him know times were cold, life is only as hard as you make so take it for what it is. Chose the negatives over the positive cause at the time right just looked so wrong so we waited for night because the sun shine bright and it just never felt right,
Though our father was hell on our mental, raped women in front of us and.took it step by step, tortured us for days on end because the sound of our blood spatter created laughter for the pitter patter and screams provided a gleam in his eye that a sons love for his father couldn't fill,
Eventually it felt right, pain was gain beast awakened, now the cutting and bruising is a gift, the punches and burns a blessing. The dark is a womb now, nurtured to maturity and now our thoughts outlined in chalk he doesnt know what to do with us. Tough luck you created this being that could walk the dark and never feel lost, now we can bless you. You died 10 yrs before I hit 22 I never forgot you and that day I ended our battle it was horrible, in the end all mistakes are forgiven. Bygones be bygones forgive never forget, heart to heart you still my pops and you have that respect,
Moms on the other hand, always had the ability to take whatever we had left,
Let the evils of liquid white and needles break the bond that we did our damnedest to build, took her out the crack house and broke her from the chills. It's said that time heals all wounds but not enough seconds between us to create those minutes those hours needed to save us, to this day I love you anyway hoping God paves a way for you to see the world a better way,
Azriel Michelle,
God made you perfectly unique,
The heart of me, it saddens me to say life isn't what you think,
Times are hard and as you become a woman it gets much harder,
Your black skin is a threat,
Your curly hair and the way you speak will be a first impression before you can offer a first impression, this is just what it is,
Be mindful that a man is original,
Refined and undefined,
Respect is written on his chest and honesty is a code to live by, not a verse to be sold or rehearsed,
He will not chase after you but run with you,
Not sell you dreams but speak of goals he wishes to achieve,
He will never lay a hand on you and though you will dispute his love will never fade only grow and mature,
s will chase,
Thugs not worth your time will get in line,
They are not as they seem,
Wolves in sheep's clothing,
They wish to deceive, misuse and confuse you they are all the same,
The name of the game is simply that...GAME, children set in their ways,
Selling dreams of everything
Letting you know they will give you the world but your smart,
Dreams are only make believe and the world is a promise but promises are fragile things,
You were born with honest eyes, the ability to see through the lies that hide and sit in disguise, and though I see my stride in your steps woman's intuition allows you to listen and understand, see the snakes in the sand,
The tears thicken let me know we nearing an end, pen shaking in hand heart pacing gotta get to the end, all on the line time to clear the air, the only one left is the one that choose the steps I guess I had it coming, guess it's for the best,
I look at you, you look at me. Let's finish this, to put ease to our heavy heart. This will be the start, so I guess we can begin....the means to an end,
I know it's hard but you've gotten this far, sleeping pills midday just to take the pain away. Overdose constant, seeing yourself made you vomit..wanting to stop but it just wouldn't happen out maybe it couldn't happen or it shouldn't have at times the needle was like my better half. Still remember the night, drepression heavy, gun on the counter staring at me, " I can make it all go away if you let me" I took the chance. Friend saw me at a glance, lucky night,
We know off those that prayed our end, again and again, could we blame them as we continued to sin? Lives lost, mothers torn, long lives to live cut short and taken the names are memories and the nightmares are history punishing us, we knew the wrongs but we lust for the release that it gave and thought we had it made.
It been a minute since we released our burdens, the cross was heavy and or knees were getting shaky, the weight of our transgressions, a lesson in itself but one necessary to learn.
This was a shot in dark, the target was your heart the bullet was my own,
Connecting and reflecting on thoughts that once only I owned but now I share with you,
Nothing more to say nothing more to give,
The thoughts of a troubled boy and a misunderstood "man"
I pray you understand,
Lost Thoughts
