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It’s funny
To sleep with pain and to awaken feeling worse
First words out of my mouth are usually a curse
Then I pray to God to ask him to forgive my inability
To control my anger for not understanding His divine sensibility
I ask God for strength to continue for yet another hour
Because if it was completely up to me, I admit I have lost my resisting power
I want to give up and no longer feel the pain that I feel
Some may think these words are written for metaphoric appeal
But this is my life, my truth my facts that which diminish
God still gives me power to fight until the war is finished.
Today, my wife decided to not speak to me
Because she is so full of resentment
It hurts to know that my neurological disease
Is taking away any possible contentment
She is angered to live the life of a wife
Who walks the path of “in sickness or in health.
When we first met, we had such great financial wealth
But my sickness was lurking
In a method that was so stealth
Slowly eating at my neurological pathways
Creating continuous agony
That’s been going on for so long
Much longer than 1 millennial days
Feeling my blood get tainted
As my eyes had gotten tinted
I had a number of MRI’s & spinal taps
My eyes could not see Gods full glory so they squinted.
Not to get off track with the demise of my bodily corpse
I feel the distress in my chest palpitating
Slowly going off course of course
As I cry, whimper, and my throat gets hoarse
To know you are limited in much more ways than in one capacity
Is probably one reason why depression hit me with such tenacity.
I almost gave up in December due to my continuous pain
But something in my brain
Told me to remain stable and sane
So that whatever is left of me I could share
At first I wouldn’t dare
On the back of my neck, stood erect every hair
For what I have feared all my life has now fallen upon me so gloomy
Took a part of my soul, ate it up, and made my spirit a bit more roomy
Thinking of my imminent doom
Does mentally consume
Thus I try not to presume to assume
Of the day & hour I may know of
I work hard being here
I shed a tear
Simultaneously full of love
Yet also hatred, anger, and fear
And I still choose I stay 'here'
Hoping that my words penetrate you
So that you can sympathetically hear
Please, if you love someone…
…anyone, hold them dear
Hold them near
Show no fear
Do not allow insecurities to tear down what could be your best
Let go of the tightness in your chest
Just scream violently aloud
Alone or in a crowd
Have no care what others may think
For we are all human
Some could be inhumane, profane and insane
But in the end
We are all mundane
Nothing done under the sun is new
So please listen to me & you
Never give up as I continue to TRY NOT to do
I am not better than anyone
But am equal to all of you
I look at all of you eye to eye with the greatest of respect
Looking back in retrospect
Nothing could cause me to feel disrespect
I do suspect
That if I look closer to inspect
We will find what is needed to detect
And once found
We can shatter the ground
To break its now weakened foundation
We are Poetry Vibe
We have created our own powerful nation
Nothing but love spews out from my heart
And then pours down like a cascade
We show each other our love, jo,y and pain
None should put up a barricade
As mentioned in December
I will continue to try to persist
But as my sickness worsens
I still do struggle to fight to resist
As irresistible as death is by my own hands to attain
I can not do that my wife or my daughter
She is only 2years with a few months added
To her, I am her living water
I daily ask Jesus Christ to help me to better portray
A great father, husband, and over all better person
Because I want to be remembered for my good works
And good words, I've been known to be dispersing!
SkTzO
