 I'm trying to make sense
Of what this could mean..
But the more think..
The more sit here numb...Â
Am alive or simply just breathingÂ
Â
Nothing seems as red
Or as joyful
Â
Or as painful as it did
I feel like a black and white facsimileÂ
Of my former colorful self
Â
What is the joy of life
When my smile saysÂ
I'm happy .. but .. my heart...Â
Tells a different story
Â
Is it possible that hope
Had mended and broken my heartÂ
Right inside of meÂ
Â
Can i possiby make senseÂ
Of what this could mean..?Â
Â
Am aliveÂ
Or am simply just breathing
Â
~Kilay~
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Kilay
 4800
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Am I alive?
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romance
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OTHER POEMS WRITTEN BY Kilay
Love birdsLove birds Once... Or maybe just a few times I lied About not loving you Like at 3a.m this morning When I your memories Were flowing, Just beneath my skin And every single participants me Could still feel you.... I regret all all of those times I said "I love you" But you never really Had the audacity to say it back As often as I did.... So learned to lie As often as I lay upon my back And watch you love me ... Less and less... Every time.... -Thembekile kilay deh'poet tsaoane  |
Porcelain warI've tried hard to look back at our time together we never really had time together we had sex together I was a good pleaser never known for really being a believer in anything but myself... and you... you fell victim to what you thought was praise and worship whenever I was on my knees I hate to be the one to tell you this but making you think that we both fell in love simultaneously was the greatest joke that I could come up with and yes... you will... you will resent me like I resent the holes and bumps on my thighs and stomach that were the evidence of a product I can only now hide with secrets and step father's and yes... I've said this before I've tried hard to look back at our time together we never really had time together we had sex together -thembekile Kilay deh'poet Tsaoane |
Maskeddays don't really name themselves but I'll start off by naming this one "us" in the courtyard last night I can't really phrase the look on your face that somehow seemed to crave what I knew as my soul but you only knew as my body to be honest.. you... you. . . you're the type of soil that dreams are made of just enough to retrace the memories of what I expected of you and I just below the moon it's amazing how the wind always forces things to return and... your love was like the shade rotating around me as if they were clock pointers accounting the hours I've spent just ruminating upon thoughts of you I have felt things that I never even thought that I could feel and yet somehow... despite the tears despite this sweet desolation... somehow... the best interpretation of my heart was birthed through the cracks of my brokenness but at least you.. i have someone to dream about... you... I'd like to wear the memories ... |
Am I alive? I'm trying to make sense Of what this could mean.. But the more think.. The more sit here numb... Am alive or simply just breathing  Nothing seems as red Or as joyful  Or as painful as it did I feel like a black and white facsimile Of my former colorful self  What is the joy of life When my smile says I'm happy .. but .. my heart... Tells a different story  Is it possible that hope Had mended and broken my heart Right inside of me  Can i possiby make sense Of what this could mean..?  Am alive Or am simply just breathing  ~Kilay~     |
Am I alive? I'm trying to make sense Of what this could mean.. But the more think.. The more sit here numb... Am alive or simply just breathing  Nothing seems as red Or as joyful  Or as painful as it did I feel like a black and white facsimile Of my former colorful self  What is the joy of life When my smile says I'm happy .. but .. my heart... Tells a different story  Is it possible that hope Had mended and broken my heart Right inside of me  Can i possiby make sense Of what this could mean..?  Am alive Or am simply just breathing  ~Kilay~     |
Am I alive? I'm trying to make sense Of what this could mean.. But the more think.. The more sit here numb... Am alive or simply just breathing  Nothing seems as red Or as joyful  Or as painful as it did I feel like a black and white facsimile Of my former colorful self  What is the joy of life When my smile says I'm happy .. but .. my heart... Tells a different story  Is it possible that hope Had mended and broken my heart Right inside of me  Can i possiby make sense Of what this could mean..?  Am alive Or am simply just breathing  ~Kilay~     |
Am I alive? I'm trying to make sense Of what this could mean.. But the more think.. The more sit here numb... Am alive or simply just breathing  Nothing seems as red Or as joyful  Or as painful as it did I feel like a black and white facsimile Of my former colorful self  What is the joy of life When my smile says I'm happy .. but .. my heart... Tells a different story  Is it possible that hope Had mended and broken my heart Right inside of me  Can i possiby make sense Of what this could mean..?  Am alive Or am simply just breathing  ~Kilay~     |
upon a late Septembers' nightI sit here in silence Overwhelmed by endless love My heart beginning to forget about the past and it's cruel violence On a late september night The stars are out The way you leave me smiling My happiness seems to show in the way that the stars are so bright Love feels real upon each september night I'll be thinking about how much you're the one I'm adoring On a late septembers' night The way you leave me smiling You even know you do The stars are out And the temperatures right On a late September night You're simply all I can seem to think about On a late september night The stars are out The way you leave me smiling My happiness shows in the way that the stars are so bright Love feels real upon each september night The one who has me The one who leaves me smiling The one who knows that he does On a late septembers' night He's in the front seat of my heart driving On a late september night The stars are out The way you leave ... |
As i close my eyesAs I close my eyes and listen to my heart I realize that Loving is giving , but in love falls forgiveness , forgiving the heart for all it's past mistakes So it can appreciate the present just like the freedom to breathe. Baby I call you my poetry , my addiction For life without you just wouldn't make sense from my point of view in my life I see you as my poetry I see our hearts conversating with the different emotions that we're feeling I write what I feel and what you feel and combine it together to make one feeling that generates thoughts and creates common emotions between us I believe that trust is in the core of every soul So with a love like this I believe that you won't let me down. The way you leave me smiling I'm surrounded by happiness Who would have thought that happiness could no longer be a dream.. |
Inside my heartIt feels as if your inside my heart and you are painting the walls in our favorite color No one can get in the way of what I'm feeling for you. With dreams of you and I ... I sleep like the sand man paid me a special visit & the dreams I had were nothing less of my addiction My significant other I have realized that experience is not what happens to you, but it's what you do with what happens to you And what has happened to us was simply amazing. Falling ,... Deeply into "love" . The best part of being in this relationship is that I get to learn you. Baby I want to know what makes you cry so that I can know just what do to make you smile . I'm just consumed with thoughts of you and thoughts of lines of you. I've been writing so much that my hands beginning to cramp ... Cause I just keep falling over ..... and over ..... in love with love and in love with you. Baby, I wake up thinking of ways to tell you that I love you in the best way that I can They say li... |