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Feels like I was just a mistake
A mistake that was mistook
Reeled in with the hook
Took a second to look
Like a deer at a brook
I was shot with the bullet also known as life
Life treated me with battles & strife
I so many times nearly took my own life
I felt and sometimes feel like I’m about to break
My power is in the fact
I - if I desire, have my own life to take
But that thought I do forsake
For I don’t want to burn in the fiery lake!
My back has been broken so many times
So many times my soul has been penetrated
Allow it to be reiterated
I thought I had spiritual importance
Thought I was set aside & consecrated
But how wrong I had deviated
From the truth and the fat of the matter
Is that one the truth hit me
It only got me more depressed and madder
My soul it did shatter
Felt like I lost control of my bladder
I peed up, spewed up half of my given breath
For that knowledge made me recognize oh what a piece of broken pathetic flesh
I tried not to stay vexed or perplexed
But I continue to stress and regress
To the old me
The one that preferred to not know what may come next
For wisdom is the very thing
That creates so much hatred and sorrow
I used to awaken
Feeling I had control over tomorrow
But now I know the fact is I don’t
Success is something I won’t!
Won’t ever attain
No matter how much financial gain
I may attain
If the truth lives in my mind
And it resides in my brain
The thought process of no progress
Makes me digress to get so depressed
And the pain is hurtful that it takes away half of my breath until their ain’t anything left
All the while I try to design, write, rap or paint away my distress
And yet again I come to realize the sad reality
I’m just wasted flesh!
For my heart, my core and all of my good intentions
Means absolutely not a thing in this world
If I put all my effort & energy
And still can’t provide for my girl.
What a bore
And like a doorknob is the wisdom I have at my core
Half a brain, half a man, with the half the strength in me that somehow resides
I can think of a million negative terms that which coincides
Coincides with the feelings of disgust that I feel
Nothing in my life that could be good to me is no longer real.
Except the daughter that was given as an angel in human disguise
To witness my heartfelt cries and see the tears in my eyes
For the many times I looked out the window and just felt I should jump
But then I see her smile then my throat grows a little lump.
I can not give into the painful self loathing I feel
Cause then she would grow up out of touch
Her emotions always wanting to conceal
I must somehow find the strength
To continue to live
For I can not seek to take anything anymore
I must now learn to give
Give my totality
To my daughter and the bride that I chose
And by doing so maybe there’s a possibility
For the door of negativity to eventually close
SkTzO
