Taking back my virginity

 

Count backwards from ten the repeat again. Ok .

Ten. My shouts were in raged with anger tears pouring this isn't me I'm not myself 

 

Nine. My heart pounding wanting to scream out help me save me from myself and the destruction I was bringing 

 

Eight. A room full of faces and I feel so alone I hate myself. Why can't I be different it just wanna feel normal

 

I'm taking back my virginity 

Not only for me but for my future children letting them know lying on your back doesn't get u millions

I'm taking back my purity the greatest gift god has given to me

treating that gift like an object that can be bought n sold instead of gold I am truly sorry

my young minded ways cercuming  to teenage stupidity trapped in my own curiosity.

Letting them throw u into a long line late night hook ups and humorous conversation breaking u down into piece...

  " you have a beautiful smile" 

This smile hides my pain. Pain that runs as deep as the roots of magnolia tree swimming festering growing inside of me. Let me out I feel so trapped putting on my I'm contend with life smile knowing I wish there wAs more settling not doing more being a better person letting others decide my fate I hated my smile because no one gets to see the reals the real hurt I had to live with my lips are sealed but my smile was my shield a pretty picture painted for those who felty life was perfect and everything I've been through wAs worth it my smile is my life my camouflage my sanity