I sit and think how my life would be in five years from now.
Would I be a mother and a wife?
Then the anxiety and fear kicks in.
What if I neglect my kids, like my mother did?
What if my children's father is a monster like my dad?
Could I protect them from having to go through the same pain as me?
What type of mother would I be if I let the very things that hurt me, hurt my children?
Would I let my daughter get molested or rape and act as if everything is okay?
Treat her as if it was her fault, she should have known better at age 5 and 6.
I don't support her, console her, but neglect her as if I'm ashamed of her.
These are the demons I'm dealing with.
I'm scared I will be my mother and my children will be me.
I'm scared my children's father will emotionally abuse them and I'm not there to love them like they should be loved.
They get tossed from home to home, no stability in their lives.
Would they witness me getting beat by a man,
and their dad doing crack?
Could I, would I, be the mother I never had?
Would history repeat itself?
These are my fears.
Phenomenal Paris
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Fear
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life
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COMMENTS
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The Immortal Wize says: be very careful of what you fear, your greatest fears can upon you. This is emotionaly deep very well done. |
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Phenomenal Paris says: Thank you |
OTHER POEMS WRITTEN BY Phenomenal Paris
I Can't BreatheI can't breathe as the bullets pierced through my melanin skin I can't breathe as the devil's knee rest on the back of my neck I beg and I plead I can not breathe I lay on this hard surface knowing my death is awaiting me My true crime being a person of color Society will paint this monstrous picture of me Title it, "THE LIFE OF A CRIMINAL" They will say I had it coming The n*gger should have listened The n*gger should have not been resisting People will demand justice for my death then my name will fade and be forgotten Because another black death is on the horizon I can't breathe I am suffocating in a world in which I am the prey being hunted like some animal My lifeless body is their prize I can't breathe as the life leave my eyes I can't breathe  |
SearchingI am searching for the light surrounded in darkness a different path beside between a rock and a hard place That warm gentle hug that melts the stress away I am searching for that Godly love That unconditional love I am searching for life that make death flee I am searching for joy that smiles at me every time I am searching for the remedy that heals all wounds I am searching for certainty Always able to pick and choose Does not manipulate does not control Is not envious nor is it boastful Casting out hate not with hate but with love The kind of love that liberates The very thing God has promised the very thing he has placed within me I am no longer searching because now I have seen The love I have been looking for has always live within me I am the essence of love love conjure through me |
Black King's LoveThe Black King's love is the cure that society is trying to tarnish. So they poison the Black Queen's mind with all these lies. "Good Black Men do not exist.... it is all a myth." So they say. They beat the Black King down and portray him as a monster. The Black Queen is frightened and does not want to trust him. The Black King is stripped of his pride and his honor. All because society knows the power the Black King's love bestows. |
TimeA man is still a man, rather he is foolish or wise determines how he is defined. With time comes wisdom. Wisdom takes time. Time can not be rushed. So stop watching the clock before time passes you by. For time does not stop. Enjoy those special moments while there is still time. Time is a precious gift that's given so be careful how you share it. Never abuse the time someone has invested because that is time now wasted. Time will forever be time, there is no way of changing it. |
Maybe I Will LearnTell me you do not want me Tell me you was only using me Tell me you never cared for me Then maybe I will learn You were just too good to be true How many tears must I cry before my eyes stop looking for you How many times must my heart break before I stop loving you How many times will you lie before my mind stop believing in you What will it take for me to realize I deserve better than you I love you, my actions are the proof that my feelings are true Are you too blinded to see I am the She in your dreams I should tell you I am leaving no longer can I stay I should tell you the same lies I should inflict the same pain Then maybe you will learn you have the queen that speaks to the king in you Maybe you will learn you have something good with me Today is the day I learned you are not worthy of me Your heart was never meant to be with me Today will be the day you learn my love you can no longer keep Today is the day I ... |
HeHe walks in the imagine of God He is the angel sent from above To love To nourish To cherish He see me as the Queen I am I see the King in this man He prays with me He prays for me He and I are connected spiritually He lay his head upon my lap for he knows I am his comfort I lay my head upon his chest for I know he is my protector He speaks with authority This man is anointed by the one true King When I look at him I feel God's love through He He inspires me, little does he know I will give him my heart for He feels like home I am able to love freely because his love for me is unconditionally He caresses my mind He make love to me mentally But he is only a ... |
VindicatedPractice what you preach before you come preaching to me. |
To Be or Not To BeHe says he loves me |
Forever TomorrowI get so caught up in my emotions |
Dear HennessyDear Hennessy, Why must you come between my relationship Why must you poison the mind of the man I love? Becoming a monster when he is drunk Trepidation engulfs me when I see those blood strain eyes looking back at me Preparing myself for this verbal beaten when I hear anger in his speech Tears rolling down my face A cry for him to see I am not his enemy Saying a silent prayer, "God please help me to only see the good in this man. Please reveal to him, my heart is in his hands."
Trying not to let this pain turn into hate Telling myself, "You need to have faith. For tomorrow will bring the man you love." How can I forget those words lingering in my mind? Scattering my heart every time Fighting to hold on to my love my passion my admiration for the man who lives within me but I only feel disgust ... |