PTSD + 3 Weeks

samsara

we are all fates guests 
at it's threshold-ignorant and poor 
and destiny doesn't freely bequest 
what we have yet to suffer for
and tonight I long for rest
but first must fight a war
everyone'll be transgressed 
just as everyone's the transgressor
both must be expressed
in this battle of dinosaurs
give it my all - and all my best
til i can give it no more
til my soul's no longer oppressed 
til im welcomed at destiny's door
cause when i'm done with this test
nothing can be like before

roots

People don’t just grow up and become this way
I’ll never forget who you were back in the day
You can say what say, maybe I am crazy
But my thought processes become kinda hazy
With all this blood pouring down my face
With all my senses stirring tryin to fall back to place
I mean, I was put me here purposefully to hurt, i believe
That pain is now my pleasure and i’m no tease
No longer so naive - I can be like you - I can be cruel too
I can take us to hell just to enjoy the view
Of fire, of oceans saltier than martian dead seas
Ima mother***ing feast with the demons and banshees
On eteral grace and the fruit of the poisonous tree
Please, won't you join me

where the pieces fall

I met a man one cold winter day
Who spoke to me in an unfamiliar way
He was so humble that I grew hopeful
I was just waiting on this man to make it vocal
But when he did, what I heard didn't convey
Any similarity to what I thought he would say
And I kept hoping and my hopes began to weigh
As reality soon then on my dreams would prey
Leaving me nightmares known as the dawning day 
When everything in me needed him to stay
When I longed and yearned for us
Our love was only ever able to portray
A life lesson that was learned for us
About the depths and the many shades of gray
About perspective and about trust
Teachings of a hell we're destined to pay
And of a pain I cannot physically convey
Words, symbols, they leave undefined
The reasons why I can't get this man off my mind
Why i’m anxious and worried all of the time
My ni...

pavements

lonely doesn't express this hollow feeling 
lonely can't define why death is appealing 
lost my bearing, now i'm stuck again 
I've been lost since i don't know when 
seems that I took the wrong path 
but everyone knows you can't change the past 
thought I followed the right directions 
but this road is long with no intersections 
so now i'm trying to find my way 
probably be wondering til judgement day 

Mass

what is written in the stars and expanses 
is reiterated in your eyes
in the brilliance and wonder of your glances
i can see the dawn rise,
the refracting light that reflects from your gaze
it's a sight that glorifies
us, our connection in this universe ablaze
and i have come realize
that the moments i will always remember
are the ones that symbolize
the past, the present, the future-and forever
cause whats real never dies

to a liar

I hear lies in the words you say    
Your mouth molds truth like clay    
I feel distance in the love you display    
You must have slept with Emily today    
     
You took it further than I thought you could    
And then lied, like I knew you would    
Don't try to act like I misunderstood 
Cause your word is no good  
     
Now I know the truth and must relay   
My contempt I cannot convey    
But your deceit will find you one day   
And I hope on your soul it does weigh  

jokes

I hate everyone and that includes you

I hate the world and the universe too

There's nothing worth liking

The sun insults me with its shining

As do the stars and the moon 

The dawn that forever looms 

Mocking me among the gods 

As I try to fight against the odds 

Against all odds, they get a good a laugh 

Laughing it up on my behalf 

My hatred lives in their sense of humor 

And peace comes later rather than sooner 

Which in my present state, it can't be 

Cause hates become a part of me 

So many lessons it has taught 

Now occupying my every thought 

Is the value of knowing love 

Against the value of a lack there of 

Even when the moment seems peaceful 

Still, there underlies some deep rooted evil 

L...

make believe

thank god for this spring
I thought the cold had laid claim
to everything seasons bring
to who it is i became..
when I look back on things
what i see isn't the same
as I remember it seeming then
back when you knew my first name
that which you'll never know again
thank god the sun finally came
so i can say amen
cause i cant let my sun shine in vain
down on ghosts and deadmen
who speak without having brains
and never know when
to stop playing their games
or even take ten
enjoy assigning blame
and talkin that same you've been
cause i'm on a whole other plane
that you can't even comprehend
but still, the truth won't change
no matter how hard you pretend

all dressed up like sheep

Our time is done - the party has ended 
I lost one and i’m slightly offended 
I tried hard to make it work 
Nothing ever works 
Its gonna have to hurt 
He exercised all the pain he could exert 
He lied as he told me he wouldn't 
He hid from me when he said he couldn't 
Why is it so hard to be honest? 
Come to find out the truth is ironic… 
He asks me why i'm soaked after he leaves me in the rain 
And then goes onto the next one just to do the same
He's an impostor with some serious nerve... 
It’s like everything we said was never heard 
Him, the hoes..one day they'll see their fire and they'll feel it's heat 
They'll burn up while they sit in their blazing seats 
Lies and truths are not one and the same 
Karma's strange - eventual...

ashes to ashes

Why speak 
when words become weak 
and everything you want is in the darkness 
and you are forever alone 

Happiness will never meet you 
and your prince will never seek you 
You will die unknowing 
from your heart with blood flowing 

Beating and pumping 
all of your life into nothing 
You'll be a stain on the soil 
until dust in the face of turmoil