Why I Left

Last Ditch Effort

 Show you what you're missing,
Dress up everyday
Work out tapes
Diet books
mani/pedi days
Make you want me more than you could ever even imagine
This time if the last time
Your last chance for me
I know I said it in the past
But I mean it this time
I mean it this time
I mean it

Kiss of Death

 A dimly lit stairwell
You're pressed up against me
I feel your breathe on my neck
This shouldn't be
This is right
I have another
But your fingers brush my neck
Sending chills up my spine
And instead of running the other way
I push closer to you
Your lips touch mine
And I know
There's no going back now.

Hidden Agenda

 What do you want from me
Why do you continue to keep me around?
I have given you chanced to walk away
Chances to run
Yet here you stay
Telling me that you love me
And we are meant to be
Then you ignore me
Walk right by me
But still
When I confront you
You can't answer
What is your reason
For keeping me around?

All Talk No Action

 Sure you want to talk
You say hi every day
You gave me your number
What do you have to do to make be believe
Well, you could answer my phone calls
Instead of just my texts
You could talk about life
Instead of about work
You could make the conversation last
Longer than five minutes
All those will be helpful
But in the end,
You don't want to talk
You don't want to care
Actions speak louder than words
And yours are speaking volumes

Another One Bites the Dust

 Another unopened envelope
Next to a smiling picture
Age
Sex
Location
Brief bio
Make it so I want to know you
Five minute conversation leading no where
Questions asked three times over
Before I stop replying.
A message asking me why
A message insulting me
A message telling me sent out of anger
And one more playing it cool, it doesn't matter
Another one bites the dust

Believe In Me

 Believe in me
Cause I can't seem to find faith in myself
And as much as I want to be the happy girl that you expect me to be
I can't always be her
And as much as I want everything to stay perfect
I know it won't stay this way

And so as much as I want to depend only on me
I find myself living for your compliments
Living just to hear you say you miss me
Living just for you

I long for a way to escape from the pain
That I feel for no reason
From the inexplicable hurt that haunts me as I go about my day
I long for a release
(But what can a razor do except cause more pain
And form more scars that I would have to face every day?)

You know all of my dreams
And you push me to succeed.
((You have more faith in me than I do in myself))
It seems that there is no obstacle that I can not overcome in your mind

I only wish I could be as strong as...

Standing Still

 So don't touch me like that
Don't hold me again
Stop leaning in close,
Forehead to forehead
Don't soften your voice
When you say something sweet
Cause you're making it harder and harder to forget.

Don't put your arm around me
Like I'm your girlfriend
Don't wink your eye at me
When you know I'm looking
Don't tell me that you'll miss me
Only to push me away
And stop doing all the things
That you never can explain

You pull me close and hold me
And listen to my cries
You tell me that you care
And you think of me all the time
But when I return the feelings
When I ask you to be mine
You tell me I'm just a friend
And that's the line that stops time.

Right Where I Want To Be

 There are days when I am feeling down
Days when I almost feel like giving up
When I feel as though there's no use in trying.
When everyone seems to be against me

There are days when I am so confused
Days when I can't stand it
Whatever IT may be
When I can't quite handle it all

There are days when my head is swimming
Days when I know I messed up
When I just need someone to listen
When I need a helping hand

There are days when my heart is broken
Days when I'm sure there is no cure
When I just want to lay down and die
When it feels like no one cares

There are days when I want to tell you
Days when it seems so simple
When I think it would be better
When I know I should just go for it
And I remember when I needed you

Those are the days when I see you
And you listen to me complain
And you hold me in your arms
...

Ocean Eyes

 So
I told him I loved him yesterday
And you know what he said?
Nothing
He just changed the subject

This strange boy
With the ocean eyes

You see, he's not like me.
He doesn't care what others think
And he has the confidence
Of the most conceited guy
In the world

But that's only what you see.
He allows me to see beneath that
I see a guy
Who hates disapointing people
I see a guy
Who is scared of getting hurt
And yet
I strive to be like him
I long to speak my mind
To not care if I say something
That others think I should not say

But my first attempt
(And my biggest attempt)
Was spoken to the very boy
Who hides behind the same facade

So hear I sit
Playing the conversation
In my head
Looking for a significant pause
Or a passion filled sigh
That says he...

How You Know

 It's funny
How one day, you see the whole world in green.
Not as in greed or envy
But the green in the trees
Or the green of the grass
And it all seems perfect

But then one day
It all changes
You begin to notice less of the greens
And more of the blues
Not blue as in sadness
But the blue of the ocean
Or of the sky

And you find yourself,
Instead of looking down
And noticing how the grass
(When the sun hits it
In just the right way)
Is the exact color of that one guy's eyes when he apologizes for hurting you
You find yourself looking up
And noticing how the light blue of the sky
(Right after the whiteness of a cloud has lightened the color)
Reflects a certain person's eyes when he is looking at you after leaning in to kiss you.
That, girl,
Is how you know when you have moved on.