Closure I contemplated closure
I played with the idea in my head
Thinking that it was something I needed
To bring this tragedy to an end
Although it ended long ago
Closure -An act or process of closing something
Is that what I need, or is it the pain that's making me believe that it will somehow make this easier
I mean it was closed when you walked away, wasn't it
Closure
It was closed when you lied
Closure
It was closed when you became distant, no longer acknowledging my existence, my voice, my heart, all the times you looked right through me
Closure
It was closed when you cheated, wasn't it
Closure
So what more do I need
This hurt,this pain is leading me to desperation, and this desperation is bringing me to my knees
Praying for an end to the idea of You and Me
Closure
Searching for answers to questions that I already know
Trying to rationalize the idiotic nonsense that you sprued at me
I feel defeated and broken down t... |
Drowned I've fell into a black hole It seems to have no end Gasping for air it feels like a sinking ship Surrounded by water made of my sorrow Reliving the heartache over and over again Torture No way out Repetitive memories of how I got here Tripped, stumbled, and fell over my own stupidity Knocked down by the fact that I let you get to me Again Lungs filling up with the shame of letting you back in Suffocating I need to know why you did this too me I gave you another chance You said you love me Begging and pleading for me to take you back Yet here I am floating and alone The difference is this hole feels deeper These walls are shallow There is no light Not a flickering candle No sunshine in sight How will I ever find my way out Struggling to see Vision impaired Tears in my eyes Stuck and scared I've been screaming, calling, crying out to you Tell me why you pulled me back in just to turn around and do this bull**** again Gained my trust All while telling a lie It make... |
Damaged Damaged
One simple word that describes me perfectly
I am
Often perceived to be something I'm not
Hidden behind a mask to disguise my fears
Can't run to my friends my family won't understand
They'll think im crazy halfway through my explanation
And we all know friends and enemies are one in the same
I will not allow anyone to find joy in my pain
Damaged
I don't trust people
Because people will almost always let you down
Revealing your secrets
Turning their backs on you
Vanishing when you need them the most
Broken promises and a false sense of hope
Damaged
I love to hard
Diving in head first with no regards to my heart
Loving him more than I love myself
Often getting lost in what can only be described as a ridiculous fantasy
Often turning a blind eye to whats in front of me
Knowing exactly how it will all end
Seeing the outcome before the story began
Usually left with a broken heart
Crying for days on end
Repeatedly loving the wrong kind of man
Foo... |
Super Woman Last week I forgot just who I wanted to be my dreams got lost in a pile full of laundry
The bills were stacked so high I couldn't see just who I was
My voice was drowned out by crying voices yelling Mommy
My husband had no time he was out making the money
So I remained silent I couldn't tell them how I feel since no one was listening I just stood there
STILL
My hands are tired I cook everyday, I pick , pack, pull, and I clean
I can't find the strength to put my pen to my paper
No writing today my fingers are motionless
An overwhelming feeling of anxiety
Tears flowing down my face
No time to cry
Nowhere to hide
So much to do Mommy, Wifey Super woman to the rescue
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UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACK I AM UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACK
I love my brothas and sistas
My melatonin skin
I bask in its GLORYYYYYY
I AM UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACK
I will not hide who I am
I will flaunt it in your face
Hold my head up high
Respond to you with Grace
I AM UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACK
My sassiness
My wit
The way I speak so intelligently, clever, comprehending, creative, and deep
I am discerning, enlightened, exceptional
That's me
imaginative, ingenious,inventive, keen, knowledgeable, original, perspicacious, profound, understanding, well-informed
My mind is dangerous
Yet I can still get you together in 1 2 3
That black girl magic
You see me
I nurture my kings
I will bring them back to life
NO JUSTICE NO PEACE
together we will fight
Professional during the day and jazzy at night
I AM UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACK
Recognize the QUEEN in me
My roots run deep
Bow down at my feet
Blood of my ancestors flow through me
Breed from Kings and Queens
You can't deny me
UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLAC... |
Empty Presence No connection
Distance
Separation
It's as if you're not here
I see your body
I feel the heat
Mentally, Emotionally
You're no where near me
Alone is how I feel
Pain in my heart
Hiding my tears
We're together
Yet apart
I miss you so
We're still hand and hand
But my heart
My heart
Knows you
No more
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Stress My doctor told me stress would kill me
If that is true
I would say that my time here is long overdue
Kids
Family
Finances and pain
They all shape, form, and affect my life
I worry in the morning
I worry at night
I'm worried when I'm smiling
Living paycheck to paycheck
Staying afloat
Keeping my head above water
Holding on to a decimal of hope
To much pride to show the world
What I'm really going through
Triumph after the triumph
It seems as if there's not much more I can do
Try to better myself but they won't give me a chance
Stuck in the middle
A victim of circumstance
Not measuring up to my full capabilities
Living in a country
They call the land of the free
So tell me why can't I get the same job as Heather, Tom, Billy, or Susie
I am qualified
Even more than Susie
She told me in the lobby she didn't have a degree
Heather and Tom didn't seem to even care
No effort at all
Why where they even there
Billy was nice, but had no ambition
I wanted it bad,... |
The dope man I hate the dope man
Lost hope and dreams
No future in sight
He gave up a long time ago because daddy didn't care and mama didn't know
How to raise him to be a man
He gets up in the morning
Go to the corner and stand
Looking for phens breaking down his fellow man
In his mind he's not doing nothing wrong
And I often wonder why can't he see that he is contributing to the destruction of society
The bad man
The sad man
The I use to have a dream but I gave up man
The destroyer
The supplier
The oppressor
The reason mama had a little girl and decided to neglect her
The making every excuse in the book man
The blame it on society I can't get a job man
Sit around all day and wait man
Waiting on him waiting on her
Destroying lives and breaking up families
The reason little kids don't wanna be all they can be
The I will kill you if you don't respect me man
Because respect is all I have
Take it away and they might see that deep down I'm a coward
A menace to society
... |
This is not my home I'm living in a house that's not my home
It's where I lay my head but it's not where I want to be
Hood life is not for me
Cussing and fussing
Fighting everyday
Smoking weed
Killing and stealing
Selling crack in front of kids
People laughing and joking as if it's ok
Got comfortable with their situation so they don't won't more
I hate to walk out my front door
All I see is sadness
Potential gone to waste
this house is not my home
This is not where I will stay
I keep telling myself I won't be here long
But it seems like every time I try to leave
They turn me down like they want me here
But one day I will get out
One day I will leave
I will show them that this hood will not be become me
This is not my home |
Days like this Mama always said there would be days like this
Is that how it goes
You know those days when you don't want to go on
Bills outweigh your paycheck
Kids acting a fool
Never satisfied and can tell you everything you don't do
Husband working your last nerve
Depressed without a job
Feeling like a failure like less of a man
And your kind words just ain't enough
Hmmmm days like this
That's what mama said
But all I wanna know is when will it end
Because one day turned into two and two turned into three
And hell on the forth day I had enough
Days like this I can do without
My feet hurt
My head nappy
My fridge is bare
House in a mess
Kids don't even care
And my husband laying over there sleep on the chair
Cooking and cleaning
Ironing and washing
Screaming and yelling
For order in the house
Lords knows imma catch a case if anybody open their mouth
I am tired
Exhausted
Mad and hungry
Broke down
And sad
But as usual I gotta take care of my family so I put myse... |