How Bad Do I Want It?

Portrait

Grey skies got me singing the blues

Confused hues of my blackness

I'm not yellow or red-boned

But I'm Hershey brown

With the almond but life ain't sweet

Green backs and purple haze

Parts my pink lips

To expose a perfect white smile

Scarlet red curtains for the windows to my soul

So I can stare at a vivid orange sunset

Broken through the clouds that made the skies grey

Which had me sing the blues about my blackness

About my brown not yellow skin

Which contrasts with my sexy white teeth

And juicy pink lips marinated in purple haze

That I bought with my green backs

Which allows me to watch the vivid orange sunset

With red draped eyes

Forbidden

Every time I get close to someone

I get a sudden flashback

When I was rubbed the wrong way

Touched the wrong way

A cold firm grip embracing my neck

Restricting my airflow

Was it forbidden for me to live?

Forbidden for me to be handled with care?

I'm extremely fragile

Recurring breakdowns

Ghosts of my past haunting me

Hurting me

Preventing me to ever love again

Is it forbidden for me to love?

Forbidden for me to ever discover true happiness

Consumed with visions

Of closed fists and closed eyes

Blood sweat and tears

Screaming please

Please stop hitting me

Hurting me

Abusing me

Destroying my spirit as a human being

Am I forbidden to feel secure?

Forbidden to find refuge in someone's arms

Remembering the arms that swung on me...

Life Belongs To Me

Mama telling me what to do

Dictating my life since childhood

Took slavery to a whole new level

Whiplash from belts if I dared rebel

My room was the first and last stop

Of my Underground Railroad

I guess that why I'm so secretive today

Reading Playboy under the covers

Touching myself in silence

Hidden porn stash like buried treasure

Secretly curious about the guys as well as the ladies

Experimenting with my desires

Those were fun times

As I laugh and sip on my tail

I recall the parties I've attended

Lines of coke and ciphers of weed

Open bar and sexy people

Dancing all around

All uniting as one unit

While I'm monitoring the time

Massa wants me home at a certain hour

Reminding me I am owned

Branded by DNA

My slave name is Larry Johnson

Back To Autumn

The weather feels fine

Leaves blowing in the wind like confetti

So many hues and tones

An autumn love affair

Seductive September

Turning me on slowly

Killing it with subtlety

Quiet storm for my senses

Adding that little something special to my bomber jacket

Strutting through a sea of dead leaves

Like it was a red carpet event

No paparazzi needed

I already feel like a star

I'm a senior

Object Of My Desire (My Angel)

We exchanged glances on a crowded street

Nearly an impossible feat but it happened

Your stare following me like I've done something to you

Vice versa because you did do something to me

You've captured my interest

Provoked my thoughts

Enhanced my imagination

Which is rare because I don't care about much

Forgot that my heart was a beating organ

Remembering what made me forget in the first place

The events that took place

All the lies and fairy tales

False happy endings and happily ever afters

Dreams becoming fantasies

Nothing seemed real afterwards

Until we caught each other's attention

You're really pretty yet really expensive

I believe you're really worth my money

I want you to stop me from lying to myself

Convincing myself that I don't deserve you

No Warmth

Frozen dreams

Turned my heart cold

Winter everyday

Antarctica survives

Spine chilling

Pneumonia causing

Mental blizzards

Frost bitten spirit

Troubled avalanches

Buried under snow

Tundra of death

Barren and dry

All hail breaks loose

Temperature drops

Below zero

No warmth

Routine Fear

I go to work I come back home

My routine because I fear the unknown

Afraid of stepping out my comfort zone

Scared to step out on the ledge alone

By myself without a clue

A sense of direction to get me through

Paranoia is nothing new

Fear of not knowing what to do

Petrified to break the cycle

Attached to labels concerned with titles

Living in fear is suicidal

Life should be an ally instead of a rival

Post trauma from being hurt

Being brave I'm no expert

Shadows of my pain still lurk

I come home I go back to work

Untitled Chatter

Sky falls down am I able to catch it?

Is it too much weight on my shoulders?

Rain falls down am I able to drink it?

Will my thirst ever be quenched?

The elements are working against me

Mama nature isn't in my favor

The trees are tall but the world is small

Am I able to watch it grow?

Sunrise peaks and sunset hides

Until tomorrow decides to show up

Will it ever arrive for me?

Or maybe I need to arrive on time

And stop being so late

I'm finally home

Tale of the Snail

But I still haven't learned to walk

I'm still crawling

At a snail's pace

Leaving behind a trail of slime

Crawling in the roasting sun

Searching for my oasis

Searching for nourishment

Exploring my nature

Exploring my environment

My exodus to freedom

An unsettling journey

But a voyage worth taking

I welcome the rain

As it cools me off

Drops of refreshment

Drops of relief

Drops of mercy

Bestowed upon my shell

Attached to me the snail

Eventually I'll reach my destination

No Man's An Island

An aphrodisiac

I guess that's why I get turned on

To the idea of a better universe

I'm a black pearl

Contained in a shell

Under a sea of society

Waves of people

Crashing against each other

At high tide when the moon is full

Exotic creatures trapped in aquariums

Mermaids and sirens

Pirates and sea monsters

All searching for buried treasure

We're all on a quest

A voyage to discovery

Paradise is closer than we think

X marks the spot within us all