I smile

I Cried

I cried...
I cried and fell down to my knees, praying against my disdain...
I prayed for clarity amongst anything, I prayed for understanding above anything...
My spirit broke into a thousand pieces. I cried as I forgave myself for my many sins, A voice spoke to me, said I was loved, fear not you are never alone, I Am Here... I felt an overwhelming feeling of bliss take over my body. I raised my hands to the sky, bowed my head and continued to cry...
I confessed that my heart was open but I was so lonely underneath it all. I reached out countless times wanting to confide in someone. My pride would not let me admit my wounds were still healing, I'm good, I'm fine, an emotional bombshell ready to jump out of my own skin. Distant I've tried not to remain, heart held tightly in my palm, he acknowledged that it's his...
I broke down, voice trembling wanting someone to hear me. Someone to care, no pity party I wouldn't dare, my tro...

Buzzed

Inebriated thoughts bring out truthful confessions.

Getting stuck in a whirlwind of raw emotion...you keep on sipping, while your heart pours out everything that you've been stressing, because this wicked elixir detaches your filter, and refuses to be censored.

It can't be detained. Your truth is your salvation. Hmmmm, and the lies to yourself, no longer remain.

I love her, I mean I love him, no need to mask it with a facade, it's not like your sexuality is uncommon or odd. You keep sipping, no longer pretending that the woman you've been frantically texting is just a friend. 

I smile

 I smile...

I smile despite what I may be going through, needing to vent, but not trying to complain. I just need a quick fix, you know to ease the pain. A little injection just to make me numb, let it flow through my veins so I can escape this reality of what my life has become. I'm at a lost right now, not sure what I can say or do. come to think of it, I don't even have anyone I can turn to. Random thoughts flood my mind, contemplating actions, will I actually go through with it this time. Darkness, a shodow cast upon me while I try to fill this void with positiity, and yet the devil continues to taunt me. I scream to heavens in need of release, God please forgive me for what I have done.Help me to keep my soul at ease.

I smile... 

Alter Ego

 I'm that curious thought that invades your mind, but you quickly dismiss. I'm that sensation that happens between your thighs after an attractive woman comes your way. I'm that aggressive nature, that masculine energy that conquers and divides your femininity. I'm that suave seductress that oxymoron in a sense that balances out your ying and yang, that has these women yearning to be in your presence. I'm not your confidence, because you really don't need it. I'm just more of a boost, I only feed it. Flirtation is my game, and where I am King. I'll have these women eating out the palm of your hand, and yet still remain a gentleman. I'm that mystery they can't solve, and the confusion she feels once she calls out your name. I'm why her throbs and her walk is never quite the same. I am you...well more so your other persona. I am Andre, that sexymother ***er. 

Mindset

 Sometimes we fail to see the person within a tainted skin, a simple glance a chance encounter, nothing but pure pleasure between 45 to an hour. When it's all said and done there was not much left to say except "Hey, we had fun" That's when questions emerge and emotions may surface, but there were no strings attached, so what was the purpose? Maybe I saw something that could've possibly been more, maybe these feeling or thoughts I should've ignored. A beautiful face with a thick frame, for me the scenario ends up the same. Hit it and quit it, a eat and run, but like I said before it was just for fun. No need for me to get attached or hold on to false memories from women who obviously weren't deserving of my company, or lacked what I needed to begin with. Lost in the motion, in a sea of unforeseen emotion. It wasn't real. I didn't truly care...well maybe a little, but I knew the deal, wanting to believe that I found my queen knowing this hopeless romantic can have a distorted...

Confess

He touched me...

Touched me in a way that I've only imagined.

I felt those once unfamiliar feelings emerging.

I asked, "Can I trust you?" Can I confide in you?"

My heart has been broken, and I'm fed up with wondering if the next guy could possibly be the one.

He whispered softly and held me close. No sexual innuendos, or need to boast about his endowment. 

This guy can't be real...Heaven sent?

He touched me, almost made me let my guard down, and confess every insecurity.

He kissed me, passionately, like I was the only woman in his life. He said that he was tired of playing games, He was ready to settle down, find himself a wife.

I shifted my eyes, unsure of myself and the life that I lived. No longer ashamed, but could I commit?

Commited to one person, yes but to ignore my true feelings for the same sex...I had to confess