Heavy Heart

Guess it is

Guess its weird to be oneself surrounded by copy cats and people pleasers.. are you selfish..stuck up .. how about neither.. oh you like to eat this?.. oh they like  to say that? how about appreciate the individual as they are cause thats where its at.. how many opinions do we know pay bills? and how many successful now.. while raised up on welfare for years? so easy to look down on another when one is on their come up.. then when they loose..in their sight is success and victory of another legacy they choose to despise and disregard.. dismiss then theyre mad when  congratulations wasnt hard.. share the positivity , hope and love and celebration.. misery still a disease in many affiliations.. together or segragated they still hate it.. dead or in jail.. some success just not more then the next.. after all they want someone to fail.. at least there is more that meets the eye.. money and materials is only part of it right? otherwise they encourage.. hate one, kill one and...

To Be Livin

More questions , than answers.. more voids and space then aware..more competition then compare.. to whom shall ever dare, time of uncertainty..worthy or undeserving?.. life constantly flowing and lights dim in some and others glowing. The confidence, the comfort in self and knowledge.. versus..expectations, questionable beliefs and things not in common however unique.. to oblique to seek more then the eye could peek.. Time flows on, health strong..healing going on.. love in the wind and calm in the song.. as to selfworth..with or without materials which doesnt define one yet criticized by another..hard work , blessings, ugly tears and happy tears.. celebration and reflection over some years.. the value of time or more so how our time is spent.. broke,rich, love, hurt, wise or revenge.. so many journies and moments to have and or share.. alot of creativity stifled not going anywhere..or will it?.. the joys and the many things life brings add personal choices and its something mean...

Expense of others

Some will love and care to their own extent. Want you under their own conditions.. Stipulations and favortism among some things..treat you less than human yet you are still a being. Some people carry much of the pain, hurt, shame, guilt..not all of it is theirs to begin with. Yet they rather not see someone else fall under the weight..for many its truly their fate. So many hate to see that its you who is happy and that's when they ain't. Instead of happy together..hanging, chillin some will vacate. Only there to see you frown instead of elevate. No matter how you lift them up and cheer them on.. Seems like your happiness is their sad song. Playin wit your feelins when they know they're wrong. Lucky for them ..your the one who's actually strong. Many people cant take what they give out. So many with open mouths know nothing they talk about. Words are powerful and usin them wisely is the best out. Go ahead if you feel the need to poke your chest out. So many things unsaid and unrec...

To a raise a sun (son)

So many roads and journies life has to offer. Pain, hurt growth, love, joy.. A decent mother and or father. Faith takes you further. Potty training, sunday service..school of reality. Whether married or single.. Hope for you to grow and rise and be the best you can be. Stubborn like mommy.. Loving and a force of your own. Guard your heart, good head start..stay stronger together than apart. You have many stereotypes by societies standards. Expectations and loads of beliefs and opinions by others pressures and standards. I'll always love and support you. Be yourself..thats what we're meant to. Havin n raisin you is a joy in itself. When I least expected my existence mattered in a way more then I prepared..as mother of children , where at a time i once was scared..to attempt something bigger than myself .. I didn't dare. Now I appreciate in ways many days. Sharing my heart and place with your cute little face. Once in my womb as a premie from the stress upon me ,yet birthed into th...

The Real

So many times there was a benefit of a doubt. Lettin you close then pushin you away far out. My intention of understandin you shattered by what I hoped true..which wasn't really you. I always knew it was something about you. The way it seemed so easy at first to be around you. Later on time passed and that's when I knew.. The person I thought you were wasn't really you. Disappointed in myself I guess..it was my fault. Had some hopes and expectations unrealistic to it all. My illusion shattered by the truth and all. Its alright better to know the truth then follow the lie just to fall. No perfection was I thinkin bout. I was cool with you being you..guess you had doubts. Guess now lookin back or deeper I see. The person you werent to me. Maybe I disappointed you..I didn't succumb to your will or do all you wanted me to. Its a difference in who I am and what you believe..vice versa too. I think now I have a better understanding too. Literally in my face you did it and claimed you...

To have

Wakin up to breakfast..place is clean and calm. Kids slowly wakin.. Sippin tea..feelin like mom.. Skim through the channels and newspaper for something to grab my attention. Attention the envelope reads.. However readin it is not my current intention. Finally able to sit back, inhale and exhale ..just breathe. Overwhelmed a long time.. Like a disease..and it was dis-easin to me..all my hard work, effort and determination without much to show for me. Finally my efforts payin off. Climbin my career ladder..me and discouragement are no longer involved. Kinda evolved..on a different level..succeess came in time..right on schedule. To empower and enlighten..even inspire. To aspire or inquire about higher level goals.. Its all possible and dreams can unfold. Change your focus.. Hope instead of hopeless ..faith instead of feelin worthless. To have my bills paid.. Debts resolved seems so far away. Like hey least I try ..the blessin is in wakin to another day. Pushed my flaws aside for on...

Single

Many years of fail n past relationships highs and lows. Good and bad moments. There are times she want to cuddle up, nice and warm together. Thought it would last a lot longer , love a little stronger with a bond a lot fonder. Lots of"I love yous" , "I miss yous" to used tos. Now its her and her two , her kids encourage her and give her strength. They don't have to pretend or prove anything, yet she go all out the best they can n handle my responsibilities. The growing pains, the emotions and the gains from the losses after pain. Sometimes its nice to have interestin, meaningful conversation. Other times wined and dined with some romance affection. Hold her fom behind, like she is his and their each others. Kiss eachother neck , shoulders then downward toward her spine. Hand in hand, hand in hand looking at each otherd eyes and mesmerize. Pillow fights, date nights and play dates with the kids. Maybe discuss down the road, marriage,love ,commitment and maybe more kids. Have a hel...

I want prt.1

I want to cuddle up in my soft plushy comforter, fresh out the dryer on the sofa. I want to step out the shower, my feet restin on the soft carpet. In my room soft tunes, skin cool on the new bed sheets. I want to feel your arms around my waist, your lips I taste. On your shoulders I rest my hands while we slow dance, little kiss kiss romance. I want to blast my music on the speakers through the house, bass boomin through. My body moving, flowing, poppin n droppin to the flo'. Cup in my hand , sip my wine real slow, little hint of patron now its on and I'm in my zone.. I want to put my hands on the new leather stirring wheel..thighs peepin from my skirt, restin on the new leather seats. Heels on my feet with the gas pedal underneath. Confidence flowing, lip gloss glowin while I'm rolling. I want your hands to hold and guide the fruit to my lips. While I return the same courtesy. While you hold me by my hips, I want my manicured nails gliddin down your back. Yea I'm feelin you...

There is hope

So much of what we see is negative imagery. Hurt, pain, brutality and some misery. Loss of life and life itself and others with poor health. That's part of life not all of life yet parts that need major change in a nutshell. For some its hell and others bliss dependin on how one takes it. We have goals and hopes, on the same earth, in the same world yet many loose sight of the treasures and beauties in life and the planet. So many devoted to seeing and helping make smiling and courageous face shine. While other get mad and furious cus they hoped you'd fall behind. Together we can do so much better with eachother if we trully tried. Some things won't change, and that's where hope for some died. Meanwhile many changes on the horizon yet many that care less either way. Some live for the day.. Other lives their way..some just want to have something to say. As much grief, tears and weary eyes as I see..nothing is better than making the change we hope to see. Nothing has ever been easy...

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