Who I Am

It's not right

Why?

they said ‘’Jay, why don’t you talk less hate and talk more love”

Why?  

Do you not understand that while writing about hate you are writing about what was once love?

Do you not know that love is the root of all hate?

You cannot simply meet love without later running into her friend hate.  

You cannot simply live your life pretending hate does not exist, why do you do that? 

Do you hate yourself so much as to avoid your own thoughts and coat them with sugar?

I ask you, why don’t you start expressing your own hate and speak up for once? instead of pretending everything is love and joy

Wrong and Right

you make me angry, you make me feel guilty of things i have never thought about.  You make my heart race every time you touch me. 

You are something I cannot explain with words, I’m done with you but you are not done with me. 

your voice torments my very soul and every time I hear your voice my knees get weak. 

i do not love you, I despise you.  You are wicked in the sense that makes me want to sing without reason. 

I hate the way your beautiful brown eyes can stare into my soul. 

but you’ve never actually touched me in a loving way, never spoken to me with care, never even looked at me for who I truly am. 

I am dying by your side and you’re stealing my life with every punch and every bruise I am given, yet I am willing to give you another chance in order for you ...

Three years

three years I let you come and go as you pleased

three years I apologized for every mistake you made

three years I took the blame for all the wrong you did

three years I was not allowed to speak

three years, three years, three years… 

three years you always gave the same lameexcuse 

three years you always gave me that stupid attitude

three years you acted like you were the ***ing victim 

three years you mocked me with your idiotic laughter

after three years you have left me with nothing to love about you

Silence

I woke up to the sound of rain pouring down,

I heard every drop fall on the roof, as every drop fell I could feel the cold soothing water falling on my skin. 

My brown skin,

My beautiful brown skin.

Silence

My mind soon cancelled out the rain and all I could hear was my own heartbeat, the heartbeat that you swore you would always wake up to.

Silence

A couple flashes of lightning and my mind flashes back to the night you made love to me for the first time, 

we were both so young

So adventurous 

Silence 

Seconds later the thunder rolls in and I think I saw the devil himself, it is then when I remember the night you bruised my beautiful brown skin and broke my heart to pieces and left me on the side of the road on that dark stormy night.

 <...

You Are My Poetry.

You are my poetry

You fill me joy, and you don't always make sense.

At times I feel you deep inside me, at times you're the only think I speak. 

You fill my thoughts with scenes of you and me. 

Your words always come unexpectedly.

Yet, your words are mine.

As if your lips were on mine. 

You're pleasure and at times pain. 

You fill me with rage, you fill me with every emotion. 

You are my devotion. 

Yesterday.

I remember you like  yesterday

Yesterday I woke up in the morning thinking it would be a horrible day, I continued my morning without talking to anyone.

Noon came and I almost felt like breaking down, until I heard a song that said I could be anything I wanted all I needed to do was trust.

I had a feeling I hadn't felt in a while so I listened and listened to the song, such a beautiful song. 

I fell in love with the song for the next few hours I listened to it on repeat but then something happened, someone poured water on my laptop.

Now my speakers won't function, I've been trying for the past few hours to find this song but I can't.  

I'm broken and down because it's night time and this song still plays in my head.  

But today, I found a new song and it tells me I must struggle and focus on myself, that it's okay to not trust everyone.

 <...

Mind Unspoken

First months together you smiled a lot

Now you just sigh a lot

I’m not sure what goes through your mind

But I’ll tell you what goes through mine.

I can’t really explain,

Without talking about pain.

In my mind I see us,

But I’m still not sure if it’s just lust.

I have a desire to be with you,

For it to be just the two.

I’ve got a lot of words stuck at the tip of my tongue.

Yet, “bye” is not one.

Looking...

I'm trying to find myself,

I'm looking for answers in places where there are none.

I'm looking through atrology, horoscopes.

Looking through the chinese zodiac.

No answer. 

I stress myself, wondering if I'll ever find me...

Time goes on and I still don't know.

People tell me I just haven't found my thing,

Seems like most things aren't my thing,

How much longer will this go on?

I stay awake at night just trying to figure that out.

It just now hit me, what if I'm overlooking?

I'm still looking, but also with feeling and thought.

That Girl.

After a while you get tired of that girl,