Dear Momma

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life

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Dear Momma   Dear Momma,   These words are being written and spoken cause my heart is so battered and broken.     You left me so long ago wondering what I did wrong for you to leave me so eagerly and abruptly.   Trying to remember back on that day what words could I say to make you stay?   Stay and hold me console me when I was scared.   Laugh with me when times were hard.   Talk with me about the birds and the bees.   Teach me about my ancestors before us.     I remember staying up waiting on you to come home no food, no clothes, just me alone.     What kept you gone for so long?     Now 3 decades passed and you're still not home.     You’ve been deleted and erased and you are wondering how someone else could take your place.     I tried so hard to make you proud hoping that would ring out loud and bring you home.     Yet now I see the cocaine that eased your pain never eased mine.     Remembering back on Christmas past never wanting much but just to see your face.    Truthfully speaking the truth hurts but I’m beyond hurt my love is amputated my life is complicated, my family dysfunctional.     Mama I remember the nights you sold me for your next rock.     My innocence lost so early on.   I remember calling asking someone to save me because the hand had past 12 on the clock twice.     But the little girl inside of me still wants the love of her mother badly.     I wanted to make you proud and just maybe one day you’ll come home to stay.     My love for you hasn’t changed it just went through a transformation.      That’s how I’m able to forgive you.   I promise to pray for you.     I promise to ask every day for your forgiveness.     Lastly I promise to be your friend always.     I pray one day you’ll come home and we’ll play house like I always dreamed, but until then   Dear mama when are you coming home?